I had just stepped in my sweet sixteen & I was noticed by someone, a complete stranger whom I didn’t recognize …but whenever I stepped out of the house for school or went on the roof, I marked a tall lanky guy’s gaze following me. I felt nervous as well as self-conscious. He had marked my school timings as well as evening timings when we all friends would gather on the rooftop. Most of the time, I found him. In beginning, I thought it might be coincidence but gradually I did understand that he was purposely there but he was a sober guy & never marked comments, just watched me from the corners of his eyes. When I met his gaze, I felt uncomfortable & more self-conscious. It continued for a few weeks, by then he had gathered some courage & had started waving hands whenever he spotted me.
Now I was pretty sure that his eyes frantically searched me & he waited for me. There was a marked age difference between us, I was in the tenth standard & he was in final year of PG…a remarkable difference…I was on the verge of leaving the school & he was ready to enter into the world of realities, at this tender age, I wasn’t sure what his gaze or signals meant. I did not have the courage to respond but gradually I too felt a liking for him…his tall tan handsome figure too caught my attention & my eyes too searched him. I believe he had guessed my intentions so he hid behind the railings of his terrace to catch a glimpse of me.
I started getting conscious of my looks & dresses…a tender age of sweet 16 is filled with dreams where only romance, joys & happiness exist; no place for sorrow…I was no exception…exchange of signs & signals continued for few more weeks & an unsaid bond developed between us….which gave way to visit his house, he was my neighbor & I mustered up the courage to visit his house along with my friend. At that impressionable & reckless age, when one develops liking for someone, an inevitable courage develops & we dare.
He welcomed me in his house & was quite calm & composed. I was very nervous within but maintained my composure on the front. It was a quiet intro as he knew much about me…he had the details of me…it assured me that he was interested in me. His sharp looks & personality had a charm, which drew my attention towards him & his quite composed self-attracted me more. He offered a hand of friendship & I was dumb…speechless & motionless…and my silence was taken as a token of acceptance, he came near my side & whispered, ” I want you to be my friend & I see in you more than a friend, Will you be my friend? “
I just smiled & left his place with my heads down. I was blushing; my cheeks felt hot & couldn’t dare to meet his eyes.
It was a totally different feeling; never ever experienced before but I mutely
developed a crush for him & I too frantically searched for him. We started
meeting each other either at my rooftop or at his place & enjoyed the company of each other. There was a gap of more than eight years but never felt the gap.
He was very friendly & he cared a lot & maintained the decorum of a
the pure relationship, never ever dared to touch me or come closer to me which developed a strong faith in him.
I was totally engrossed in his thoughts…romance was in the air, I was on cloud nine…would dance to the tune of songs…would hardly meet him for few minutes in a day but the rest of twenty-four hours. I sailed in his thoughts, felt his proximity around me….my small world revolved
around him & life appeared colorful & beautiful; the effect of the crush or infatuation for him.
around him & life appeared colorful & beautiful; the effect of the crush or infatuation for him.
It was short lived & this wonderful dream that we were weaving together lasted for only twenty-one days & my world came crashing down…crushing my dreams & I was the sole spectator of this whole wreckage which left me shattered.
What made him decide to leave me…I could never ever understand….the day he severed with me…he was very composed but our gazes didn’t meet…requested me to keep myself away from him as there was no future of this relationship…we couldn’t get the support of the family members due to remarkable age difference..blah blah…I couldn’t utter a single word….tears flowed incessantly & his every word pierced my heart…I
cried & cried. He wished me good luck for my future & left me once for
all.
cried & cried. He wished me good luck for my future & left me once for
all.
I felt my knees weak & for a few couples of days…it wasn’t easy to cope up….untoward thoughts buzzed my mind leaving me restless but never ever had ill feeling for the guy, who had filled twenty-one days of my life with beautiful colors of rainbow & I had for the first time felt the ecstasy of love though it was short lived…I desired to captivate him in my thoughts for all my life but destiny had other plans for me.
Now I am granny of two beautiful granddaughters, but still, the memory of my first crush is intact in my memory & whenever I travel down in the reminiscences, I feel wonderful & still I don’t harbor any grudge for him but holds respect for him. At that tender age, he colored my life with varied hues of his love & care & never ever he hurt me in anyway.
I never ever met that person in my life….but now somewhere I feel that he deliberately broke with me because we belonged to different sections of society & in the eighties, society didn’t approve of it. It was next to impossible to get the acceptance & he was matured enough to understand the facts of life which I was ignorant of, he left me for my betterment…so he was truly my well-wisher & didn’t wish to see me suffer….his early realization saved me from getting insane in his thoughts…though at that stage I felt I was the loser.
I don’t know where he is…I have deep regards for him & a soft corner do exist within me, but this never marred my relationship with my hubby or my family members…I was successful in delivering my relationship.
MAY GOD BLESS YOU!
