Your Ignorance has hurt me to the core & I am at loss of words to express myself. I had lot of faith in you and believed that you would be there for me. I was wrong in my judgment, where I went wrong…in believing you or in scoring lot of faith in you. I never asked anything out of way that you couldn’t do..I just yearned for the warmth of our relationship and a wide smile adorning your face which soothed me from within & kept me happy.
Can’t we be friends….can we not share the simple joys of life….an unsaid bond binds one more than the said ones, just we need to have trust in each other.
Can’t we laugh on the same jokes again & again….I derived happiness in teasing you…watching you make typical faces in annoyance….can’t you return me these simple things of life which don’t cost a penny but still it is a priceless possession for me….I am emphasizing on me b’coz I’m not sure about you….
We are on different paths of Life yet we can be together…helping each other with our sharing & caring attitude…just I wish that you be there in my reach.
Pic courtesy: Favim
“When two people are on a journey, there will be miles when they will fall silent, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be travelling together.”
Life is the only thing which we can’t predict…we never know what next second or minute holds for us. Still we plan long & believe that it is in our hands & are confident that we can move as per our desire…but the disaster that we just faced this weekend leaves me with a series of questions….the severe jolt of earthquake left us devastated & perturbed & could n’t think more than to save our life…for the minute quake was felt…we just thought how to save ourselves from it…people ran hither & thither leaving all the belongings…the keys, indispensable mobiles, ran out of their homes leaving behind all whom they nurture more than their lives in normal circumstances …in this two days, this unlucky weekend it led me to believe that all are more concerned about their life & all the materialistic things of life comes second, though we boast that we care more of our belongings than our lives…but the Mother Earth took a test & the results was We care more of our Lives than anything else.
I had just stepped in my sweet sixteen & I was
noticed by someone, a complete stranger whom I didn’t recognize …but whenever
I stepped out of the house for school or went on the roof, I marked a tall
lanky guy’s gaze following me. I felt
nervous as well as self-conscious. He had marked my school timings as well as
evening timings when we all friends would gather on roof top. Most of the time,
I found him. In beginning, I thought it might be coincidence but gradually I
did understand that he was purposely there but he was a sober guy & never
marked comments, just watched me from the corners of his eyes.When I met his
gaze, I felt uncomfortable & more self-conscious. It continued for few
weeks,by then he had gathered some courage & had started waving hands whenever
he spotted me.
Now I was pretty sure that his eyes frantically
searched me & he waited for me. There was marked age difference between us,
I was in tenth standard & he was in final year of MBA…a remarkable
difference…I was on the verge of leaving the school & he was ready to
enter into the world of realities, at this tender age, I wasn’t sure what his
gaze or signals meant. I did not had the courage to respond but gradually I too
felt a liking for him…his tall tan handsome figure too caught my attention
& my eyes too searched him. I
believe he had guessed my intentions so he hid behind the railings of his
terrace to catch a glimpse of me.
I started getting conscious of my looks &
dresses…a tender age of sweet 16 is filled with dreams where only romance,
joys & happiness exist; no place for sorrow…I was no exception…exchange
of signs & signals continued for few more weeks & an unsaid bond
developed between us….which gave way to visit his house ,he was my neighbor &
I mustered up courage to visit his house along with my friend..At that
impressionable & reckless age,when one develops liking for someone,an
inevitable courage develops & we dare.
He welcomed me in his house & was quite calm
& composed. I was very nervous within but maintained my composure on the
front. It was a quiet intro as he knew much about me…he had the details of
me…it assured me that he was interested in me. His sharp looks &
personality had a charm, which drew my attention towards him & his quite
composed self-attracted me more. He offered a hand of friendship & I was
dumb…speechless & motionless…and my silence was taken as token of
acceptance, he came near my side & whispered, ” I want you to be my
friend & I see in you more than a friend, Will you be my friend ? “
I just smiled & left his place with my heads
down. I was blushing; my cheeks felt hot & couldn’t dare to meet his eyes.
It was a totally different feeling; never ever experienced before but I mutely
developed a crush for him & I too frantically searched for him. We started
meeting each other either at my rooftop or at his place & enjoyed company
of each other. There was gap of more than eight years but never felt the gap.
He was very friendly & he cared a lot & maintained the decorum of a
pure relationship, never ever dared to touch me or come closer to me which
developed a strong faith in him.
I was totally engrossed in his thoughts…romance
was in the air, I was on cloud nine…would dance to the tune of songs…would
hardly meet him for few minutes in a day but the rest of twenty four hours. I
sailed in his thoughts, felt his proximity around me….my small world revolved
around him & life appeared colorful & beautiful; the effect of the
crush or infatuation for him.
It was short lived & this wonderful dream that
we were weaving together lasted for only twenty one days & my world came
crashing down…crushing my dreams & I was the sole spectator of this whole
wreckage which left me shattered.
What made him decide to leave me…I could never
ever understand….the day he severed with me…he was very composed but our
gazes didn’t met…just requested me to keep myself away from him as there was
no future of this relationship…we couldn’t get the support of the family
members due to remarkable age difference..blah blah…I couldn’t utter a single
word….tears continuously flowed & his each words pierced my heart…I
cried & cried. He wished me good luck for my future & left me once for
I felt my knees weak & for a few couple of
days…it wasn’t easy to cope up….untoward thoughts buzzed my mind leaving me
restless but never ever had ill feeling for the guy, who had filled twenty one
days of my life with beautiful colors of rainbow & I had for the first time
felt the ecstasy of love though it was short lived…I desired to captivate him
in my thoughts for all my life but destiny had other plans for me.
Now I am granny of two beautiful granddaughters,
but still the memory of my first crush is intact in my memory & whenever I
travel down in the reminiscences, I feel wonderful & still I don’t harbor
any grudge for him but holds a respect for him. At that tender age, he colored
my life with varied hues of his love & care & never ever he hurt me in
I never ever met that person in my life….but now somewhere I feel that he deliberately broke with me because we belonged to different sections of society & in the eighties, society didn’t approve of it. It was next to impossible to get the acceptance & he was matured enough to understand the facts of life which I was ignorant of, he left me for my betterment…so he was truly my well-wisher & didn’t wish to see me suffer….his early realization saved me from getting insane in his thoughts…though at that stage I felt I was the loser.
I don’t know where he is…I have deep regards for him & a soft corner do exist within me, but this never marred my relationship with my hubby or my family members…I was successful in delivering my relationship.
We were back from our honeymoon….the experience can’t be summed up in words….the fondness growing with each passing day…I was loving it….Ma & Pa too was very happy with my choice…My darling Divya..She was trying her best to adapt into my family culture , a hectic task for a girl who leaves behind all the relations just for the sake of her beloved & binds with new relations , at times I feel awkward about the culture of our society but it’s continuing since ages even my Mom & granny did the same…She was always on toes to keep everybody happy and quiet concerned about my parents….trying to improvise her culinary skills & My Mom stood by her daughter-in-law, she had got daughter in disguise of Bahu…which assured me that I was right in my choice…her presence had illuminated our lives…her innocent laughter tingled in our house…..I adored her company & her glow too assured me that she too loved.
Gradually we both were back to our routine…but the evenings were solely ours with no one to intervene….Thank God that in our time, mobile hadn’t surfaced, & the cravings that we went throughout the day for each other were a bit satiated…though love is never satisfied….it craves for more & more. Emotional yearnings were satiated physically…the base of marriage…firming our relationship & the smile of Divya swept my heart ..I could do anything to see her smiling…die hard fan of her beautiful smile & her innocence was making me naughty day by day & her denial made be more impatient….She enjoyed my impatience…her naughty smile conveyed all & left me more impatient. And she knew the way to tame me, she locked my lips with hers with all the intensity & the passionate caresses melted all the boundaries & new dimensions were explored…with passing days & months…intimacy multiplied & the bonding growing stronger with each passing hour.
It was our prime stage of youth & we two lovers had waited for each other for so many long years & when we finally met, we were so much engrossed in our world of dreams that we both ignored our parents…I was staying along with them but the communication was limited to the dining table as we both yearned for the moments in privacy which we enjoyed the most & now I feel we were not the only ones to go thru this phase; our parents too have yearned for the same when they got married though in their days, they would have enjoyed less freedom than us; even we were less privileged if I compare with present scenario…I sum up in two words…” GENERATION GAP ” which never diminishes though way of tackling changes.
I sensed a change in my Mom though she never complained but I found something missing & my concern grew to judge the changes in her…I tried to extract from my Pa….a simple & composed persona but he did not spill the beans rather comforted me to enjoy the bliss of youth….I discussed with Divya regarding it & she too held the same view & sensed the change not only in my Mom but in her parents too. It alerted our senses…we had drifted away from our direct relations…it was totally unintentional from our end but it had affected them…it was not that they weren’t happy with our happiness but they felt ignored & it was obvious for them as we both were single child of our parents & their total hopes were pinned on both of us & we both were chasing our dreams & enjoying each others company. We felt sorry & we rescheduled our timings so that we could share precious time with our precious people who were responsible for our existence & who had reared us so well facing the ups & downs of life but never ever let us feel the gloom & held us high pinning all their hopes & We in Love & Lust ignored them..though it was not too late…the realization set in early to mend our ways….each one has to go thru the same phase once in a lifetime….life is a STAGE PLAY….situations are more or less the same only the players change…I’m getting more logical…isn’t it !!!
We in unison decided to involve them visiting parks, movies and food joints together so that they enjoy with us & relive the moments of life which they had left behind after our arrival in their lives…Now I know it’s one of the ecstatic moments, but this small packet comes with large packages of our life…they add immense joys to one’s life but it asks for volumes & volumes of sacrifice & seeks lots & lots of attention & it does receives from both unconditional love & care…
We planned the visits with all four ( real parents & new set of parents by way of marriage; case applicable to both of us ) so that they could enjoy the company of each other diminishing the spaces between them….thin line of been a bride & groom’s parents…been more or less of same age group they could enjoy more & we two could enjoy our self…again being selfish for self motive…I was not God & Humans are self centered & we could not be exceptions especially with the tag of “JUST MARRIED”
Our intention was not to hurt anyone but to see all associated with us to be happy & if our little bit of gestures really meant a lot to our parents we both were ready to give in ….The Joys in their Eyes meant a lot …they were the Roots of our Existence !!!