In beginning, I felt worse at heart as I my heart ached for
the glimpse of Ashwin but gradually I came out of the gloom as Ashwin talked to
me over phone for long hours and his humors added glow to my life & his
loud cackling laughter soothed me from deep inside & now I didn’t miss him
much …after my study hours, I used to wait anxiously for his calls & we
enjoyed each other’s company…without any inhibition & guilt he used to
kiss me over phone & I thoroughly enjoyed his gesture though never
disclosed this in the days of our courtship.
I shared the reason why Ashwin didn’t visit our place with Mom & she was full of
pride for her would be son-in-law & she exclaimed,
“Divya, you are lucky to have such a guy in your life
who thinks for you first unlike many men who first thinks of their self and I
heartily thank God to bless me with such a guy for my daughter & my respect
for him has grown manifold. I pray that he remains the same throughout the life
& you both share a beautiful relation.”
Her facial expressions were remarkable, she seemed more
relaxed and no worries regarding her daughter’s future. Even I felt the same
for Ashwin & I had accepted the fact that he was the Right Person to be my
Love, Hubby, and Friend….& I could rely on him. What else a girl seeks
from her Life partner…a true person whom one can trust & who can protect
her with all his love.
With the passage of time our love bloomed in the showers of
trust and care. My father & Ashwin were able to convince my in-laws for the
alliance & they agreed upon in spite of caste difference & they were
made to understand the fact that his son identity will be the same in his
society & I will accept their traditions & follow the same without any
prejudice. So, finally they approved our relationship & when I came to know
of it through my parents & Ashwin, my joys knew no bounds…..I can’t
express in words…it was a wonderful feeling.
A get together of both the families were fixed up at my
place on Sunday…an invitation was sent by my parents for the get together so
that all of us could meet & know each other well. Again my Mom tried all
her best culinary skills to cook for them & I helped her in laying the
tables and home décor. I made a bouquet of beautiful roses from our garden for
my Love Ashwin & kept in my room, it was a secret plan to surprise my love.
We were going to meet after four months…a long gap though in between we met at
college campus for few minutes & the minutes passed by in gazing each
other. But today with the approval of all, we had time to spend in company of
each other and my heart planned a lot for our meeting….the after effects of
Love…I believe…people says , “ Love is blind, “ now I felt how true it is
I dressed in a sari of my mom’s choice …blue with pink and  mom did my make-up, light make-up and hair do to suit on sari…She embraced me
and her eyes welled up…it was tears of happiness as well as a feeling of
separation…I too felt the same…On one hand, I was getting my love but the
thought of been away from my parents made me emotional….
At 1 pm, Ashwin arrived with his parents & we all sat
together and had great time. It was a first meeting of my mother with his
parents & but soon they mingled…Ashwin’s mother hugged me tight and
showered her blessings & she appeared to be satisfied with his son’s choice
& her eyes reflected her feelings which eased me because it is a matter of
great concern for the girls who ties the knot with the groom and leaves her
family to start a new fresh lease of life so acceptance of the groom’s family
matters a lot.
After lunch, Ashwin father asked us to go in another room
and spend time with each other & it was the longing of our hearts and we
were waiting for the nod. His Father was very practical and understood the
feelings of would be’s   & even my parents gave the nod.
I took him into my room upstairs   and as
soon as we reached inside, I greeted him with the bouquet and he took me in his
arms …I too was longing for the same…I felt at ease & protected in his
strong arms and I closed my eyes & his soft caress kindled my soul…and
there was deep silence between us ….still close proximity satisfied our soul …we
were speechless. ..For the first time in our courtship, he planted a kiss on my
lips which sent tingles all over my body and we parted.
In late evening, my mom asked us to join them for tea &
I myself prepared tea for all & my in-laws appreciated my skills & my
mom-in-law gifted me a gold chain accepting me as her daughter in law.
Both the families were happy with each other & they
planned to get us hitched once my exams were over…so there were two three months
more to wait for the D day & the preparations for the marriage picked up in
both the families. All four were busy in bookings, marketing for their son and
daughter and other arrangements and in fulfilling their dreams that they had
woven for their children  & we too
were busy in dreaming of our lives in the company of each other.


to be continued….. 


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Touch of Ashwin had sparked rows of emotions within me &
had untamed my heart…I was missing him badly but didn’t had the courage to call
at night…it was quite late…all had retreated to their rooms…The sky was clear
& it was a starry night…I was changing my sides …off & on the whole
episode was revolving in front of me…I wanted him to be close to me… &
was longing  for his call…may be he too
may be in the same state as me and will try to call…telephone rang for once &
 got disconnected…It seemed the ring was
for alert  to go near the phone…I grabbed
the phone in seconds & was waiting it to ring again…it rang again…in first
ring, I picked up the phone but was tight lipped…I went dumb…in deep silence
of night  I could hear the breath and was
sure that Ashwin was there on the line.

“Hello Divya, how are you?” he spoke in quiet ease

“Fine Ashwin, and you?” I replied hurriedly

“Are u awake till now? “

“Yessss & missing youuuu,” I whispered

“Reallyyyyyyyyyyy. I am lucky,” he laughed out.

“Are u teasing me…I am not fooling, it’s true, God
promise…” I said in one shot
“That’s it…now you are on the right track; I waited so long
to hear from you & today is that special day where you bluntly proposed…before
that you have supported me but never took the initiative…good, I am overjoyed
dear…..I am pinching myself…is it true or it’s my dream  ” He whispered
“Calling me so late?” I inquired

“Because I knew that you were waiting for my call, its
telepathy dear, what you feel I too feel the same…so called you to hear my
sweet lady’s  voice…” he flattered
“Goodnight dear…” I concluded and he too wished me the
same & we hung the lines.
It was two a.m. only two hours left for dawn break, I put
off the lights & lied on my bed deeply engrossed in the thoughts of Ashwin,
when I went into deep slumber…could not make out but Mom barged into my room
at quarter to nine & virtually shouted on top of her voice to wake me  up.
“ O my god, you are sleeping till the break of day, chalo
wake up, your college is not over Beta, you have to work hard…” all said in one
go…her common commandments which I listened without interfering her since I was
in high school…& it continued till today…it was a religious sermon, one can
Really, it was quite late…I had to be in class on time…no
excuse works inside the college premises…once the lecture is on start no one
can enter the class. Within half an hour, was ready for the college & after
breakfast, I started from my house.  
 As I
stepped inside the college premises, found Ashwin there…quite surprised…it was
“Hi…” he said with a wide smile adorning his face.
“Hello…you here…” I said in subdued tone
“Yes…very well   here to see my darling before starting my day…”
He said bluntly
I was very happy my joy knew no bounds but couldn’t say
further, was blushing and Ashwin watched me from tip to toe & with a mischievous
smile spread on his face.
“So…go for your classes…it’s getting late…see u soon…bye
bye…” He marched out of the premises.
I too hurried for my classes…few minutes were left for the
lecture to start. Once I was in the class, total concentration was on the
subject…best part was nothing subdued my concentration.
As usual was waiting anxiously for Ashwin…but he didn’t turn
up…the sun has set…the kids back to their houses…but no sign of him. Even my
Mom inquired why he hadn’t come today was he in town or been out of station.
“What happened, Divya? Did u had a fight with him” …& numerous
queries were pinned from Mom’s side
I feigned ignorance.
Ashwin called me in late evening …I was ardently waiting for
his call but when I heard his voice, my eyes welled up & tears flowed down
instantly and I couldn’t speak. 
“Hello Divya dear…my darling….Sorry I couldn’t come. I too
wanted to meet you badly but see we have to maintain a respectable distance so
that our relation is long lasting…I know you are mine & I am yours in
totality but…we need to keep our pace slow till we are married…so tell me how
was the day?” Ashwin said.
“I am fine…& how about you…happy leaving me alone” I said in subdued tone.
“Oh ho…where I have left you…I had told you that we would be
talking for hours over phone…you can hear me & I can say whatever I wish
with full freedom…no bindings…don’t be mistaken…come on…bug up…smile…laugh…I
know you must be feeling bad, even I am feeling the same but still we have to
follow the norms dear….don’t cry…laugh loudly…yeah I must say you were looking
more  beautiful today…I believe it is colors
of my magical love..” He laughed heartily
I felt consoled & his words convinced me that he was
right and He was my Mr. Right…Perfect Life Partner who had the ability to gaze
behind the emotions else I was a big emotional fool, I never accepted but it was

to be continued….. 

हमारी लाडली

चंचल और चपल,

नाजुक और कोमल

मनमोहिनी यही हैं

पहचान हमारी लाडली की ॥

घर आँगन गुलशन गुलशन

रहे इसके आगमन से

फिर भी समाज को नहीं भाती

जन्म हमारी लाडली की ॥

भूल जाते हैं लोग

यही है सृष्टि रचने वाली

इसी ने हमें जन्म दिया

और बढाया घऱ संसार ॥

बालपन में बापू के

आँगन की श्रिृंगार

यौवन में इठलाती चली

अपने बालम के द्वार

इक संसार को सुना कर

चली बसाने अपना घऱ संसार

बाबुल ने किया खुशी खुशी

बिदा अपनी लाङली

यही सदियों से चलती आई संस्कार ॥

सहमी – सहमी

आँखों में हसीऩ सपने लिए

चली सजाने बालम का घर संसार

नया घर नया परिवेश

जोड़ती हर नये रिशतों को

खुद को अटूट बंधन में ॥

बालम का हर सपना सजा

मनमोहिनी के आगमऩ से

किया न्योछावर खुद को

सराबोर बलमा के प्यार में ॥

कच्ची कली खिल गई

बलमा के अधिकाऱ में

नया जन्म पाया

ममता से परिपूर्ण

किलकारियों से गूजीं

खिलीं नये सुमन से

बगिया हमारी लाङली की ॥

शोख हसीना बन गई माँ

रात भऱ जागती

करती सेवा अपने बगिया की

भूल अपना साज़ श्रिृंगार ॥

भोर होती किलक़ाऱियों से

कब ढल जाता दिन

प्यार दुलार से सिंचती

अपना घर संसार

भूल अपने बाबूल का संसार

जिस घर में पली बड़ी

वही घर हो जाता परदेश ॥

सुबह से शाम तक

घिरनी सी नाचती

बच्चों को सिंचा

ममता की छावों में

आँख़ों में सपने सजाए

अऱमाऩ लिए खुशियों की

लूटा दिया ममता ही हर क़ीमत

कर के समस्त न्योछावर

हमारी लाडली॥

कितने रिशतों में ख़ुद को पिरोती

बन जीवनसंगिनी और माँ

बहऩ, भाभी और बहू

हज़ार कोशिशों के बाद भी

होती कभी अगर भूल

तो सुन लेती दुहाई अपने संस्कारों की

सुख़ दुःख़ हैं जीवन के दो पहलू

यही सोच फुसलाती ख़ुद को

हमारी लाडली॥

इतनी त्याग पर भी

क्या वह सम्मान पाती

घर में बड़ों का शासन

बाहर में ज़ालिम संसार

लोगों की ऩजर भेदती

चीरती उसकी छाती

नज़ऱों से बचाती अपने यौवन को॥

हम भी दोहरी ज़िंदगी जीते

घर घर में पूजते लक्ष्मी और दुर्गा

घर की लक्ष्मी को दुतकारते

जिस जऩनी ने हमें जन्म दिया

क़ोख में उसकी हत्या होती

चाह लिए बेटों की

पर क्या हम सज़ा पाएगें

बेटों का घऱ संसार

बिना जन्म हमारी लाडली की

—– इला

© Ila Varma 20.08.2014

“When God Created Mothers”

 When the
Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of
“overtime” when the angel
and said. “You’re doing a lot of fiddling around on this one.” And
God said,
you read the specs on this order?” She has to be completely washable, but
not plastic.
Have 180
moveable parts…all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers.
Have a lap
that disappears when she stands up.  A
kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a
love affair.  And six pairs of
The angel
shook her head slowly and said. “Six pairs of hands…. no way.”
It’s not
the hands that are causing me problems,” God remarked,
the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have.”
That’s on
the standard model?” asked the angel. God nodded.
One pair
that sees through closed doors when she asks, ‘What are you kids doing in
there?’ when
already knows.
here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn’t but what she has to
know, and of
course the
ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. ‘I
and I love
you’ without so much as uttering a word. “God,” said the angel touching
his sleeve gently,
some rest tomorrow….”I can’t,” said God, “I’m so close to
something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is
feed a
family of six on one pound of hamburger…and can get a nine year old to stand
under a
“The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft, “she
tough!” said God excitedly. “You can imagine what this mother can do
or endure.”
Can it think?”
Not only can it think, but it can reason and 
compromise,” said the Creator
the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.
There’s a
leak,” she pronounced. “I told You that You were trying to put too
much into this model.”
It’s not a
leak,” said the Lord, “It’s a tear.”
What’s it
for?” It’s for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and
You are a
genius, “said the angel.
God said, “I didn’t put it there.”


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I was on the verge of completing Masters, few months were
left for the courses to complete & clear my Post graduation & I was in
a search of senior under whom I could carry out my project. I vowed to myself
to concentrate more on my subjects so that I qualify with distinctions.
Gradually, I comforted myself in a routine of college going girl whose priority was to do well in subjects.
 Religiously Ashwin
visited my place after office & we spent evenings together. He had become
fan of my hot beverage prepared by me especially for Ashwin. I was trying to
improve my skills in kitchen,
As adage goes, “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”,
I wasn’t much sure how much truth it had but still
believed…beliefs are followed and not challenged so I too followed religiously.
In Love, One can go to any extent & that proves love for each other where
you follow your heart and don’t let your mind question, I was sailing in the
same boat. The evenings were enjoyable, he had full pack of things to share
with me, his new job and assignments & how he was faring, he enjoyed
sharing and there was a purpose too, as I was of the same field so his account
of experiences would help me in my future job & the most important thing
was that we enjoyed each other’s company and wanted excuse to spend maximum
time together.
Mom had always supported me and now after Pa’s nod, she was
more relaxed, so there were no restrictions & the terrace, isolated corner
of the house was the favorite place of ours to dwell in conversations for
hours. After college, I spent an hour or so in getting ready in my favorite
dresses and off and on would dance near the mirror judging myself, my looks, my
hair do…..& numerous things  & as
the motorcycle stopped in the portico, my heart beats paced high & I
started blushing….
Ashwin had noticed the changes; his smile on the lips &
his expressive big eyes conveyed all which remained unsaid between us. As the
sun went down to set for the day & darkness enveloped the sky. …changing
colors from sky blue to orange & royal blue & birds flew back to their
nests & kids after playing retreated for their homes, we inched closer
& I could feel his breath on my skin & soothing odor of his body which
soothed my senses & he felt the same or more than me wasn’t expressed
between us. He held my hand between his long fingers for few seconds in between
our courtship & wouldn’t hold for longer, I feel he didn’t feel comfortable
too; it was not that he disliked but the flow of emotions was uncontrollable
& it was normal for a normal young guy.
As I can recall, it was an evening of month July the peak
monsoon season, the dark clouds hovered in the sky & we couldn’t make out
when sun went down, dark smoky clouds enveloped the sky and lightning
illuminated the clouds, As usual, we too were on the terrace busy in our own
world of romance, when rain drenched us we didn’t notice, all of a sudden there
was heavy outburst of rain, till we realized we both were drenched completely.
I was unable to understand what to do next, if I go
downstairs in this attire then it will be questionable because none will
believe that we were not aware of the rains till we were drenched, it will not
be a valid excuse to be excused anyhow I gathered myself to stand.

Ashwin caught hold of my hand, this time his grip was hard
and I felt the pain in my wrist. I sensed the change in him but couldn’t make
out the reason for change, I wanted to get myself free from his grip but he
didn’t let me go.

 “Oh leave me Ashwin,
what are you doing..”

“No No No,..” he said firmly, his voice modulation too was
changed & I felt his heartbeats closer.
He inched closer to me, his toned body showed under his wet
white shirt, and his chest  full of hairs, drops dripping from his forehead
to his nose & cheeks and it fell on my face & body, I felt the drops
hot over my skin. The changed attitude of Ashwin had alerted me but as he
inched closer, my lips were locked & I couldn’t say a word. He held me
close adjacent to the walls & pressed himself on me & I was feeling
weak & lifeless but I felt the hardness of his body but after few minutes,
he released me with a peck on my cheek, forehead…& I too melted inside.
For the first time in the courtship of so many years, I had
observed the radical change in him & I feel the rain was responsible for
his changed behavior, as we were able to see each other’s body peeping out of
wet clothes & a normal guy can’t control. Without saying a single word or
looking back, he hurriedly ran down the stairs & raced his bike.
Slowly, I went downstairs in my room to change or to observe
myself in the mirror. I bolted from inside & straightaway I stood in front
of mirror, I was feeling numb from inside but there was a glow on my face which
anybody could make out the changes …& the reason behind it…& my head
spin ned when I looked at myself in the mirror…the wet clothes stuck on my body
and defined my contours and that was the reason that such a matured guy lost
control & anybody could, even saints would have tough time. I held myself
responsible for this though I never admitted on the face of Ashwin. I wanted to
kiss the places where he had touched me & didn’t wish to change, I felt the
odor of his body within me which comforted my senses, I didn’t want to change  but had to else what would I explain to
I stood under the shower and took a warm water bath to ease
myself and sprinkled eau de cologne on myself. After changing, I went into the
kitchen to get hot coffee for myself, there was pin drop silence in the house,
I looked for Mom but luckily she wasn’t there in the house. She had been to
market for daily shopping & these days she didn’t disturbed me when I was
with Ashwin. I waited for Mom in the living room resting on the sofa; it was
dark outside because of dark clouds which appeared to be ready to burst anytime
again. It appeared as if there would be heavy rain throughout the night, deep
silence outside. The telephone bell rang, I hurriedly leaped out to pick up the
call, there was silence at the other end…twice I said hello but when no one
spoke, I too stood still with the receiver waiting for the caller to say
something….I was certain that Ashwin was on the other side of line…after few
seconds, he sighed & I did the same at this end.
“I love you Dear’, he said numerous times, I stood
motionless hearing his voice which sent butterflies in my stomach but I kept
quiet. After that he said that he won’t be coming regular to meet me, we need a
break else we might end up in difficult situation & we should be under
limitations till we are hitched, it can happen that we lose control in
isolation, it’s quite obvious for a normal man & “we are normal..”, he said
stressing normal.
I didn’t say a word, I knew he was more matured than me and
I agreed fully with his views, he knew the limitations but my heart was not
ready to accept that we won’t be meeting regularly but I kept quiet and kept my
mind busy in chalking out the plans to meet him on daily basis but instantly no
plans came to my mind so I refrained from commenting & he told me that he
would give hours on phone to talk over, being the safest medium to control
ourselves.. Respect & love for him grew manifold within me. How lucky I am
to have such a guy in my life, whose thoughts are commendable unlike the
youngsters of today (most of them, not all) who are more inclined to satiate
their needs instead of maintaining the sanctity of relationships.
There was a mixed feeling for the evening of today,
experienced new dimensions of love life which heart had accepted but mind
objected and the inner conscience alerted not to proceed further & I
believe Ashwin had felt the same which compelled to decide not to mingle in
isolation and we both been students of Psychology understood much better the
activities & could read in between the lines which would be difficult for
others. People in love listen to their heart & ignores conscience but we
too been in behavioral science could not ignore….
Mom came back late in the evening with  fully loaded colorful packets, few filled up
with daily needs & others were full of clothes & accessories…marketing
for the marriage had taken up…it was an important occasion for her…her “Aankhon
ka tara” had grown & was eligible for marriage…it’s a dream of every
mom…she sees for her daughter & eagerly waits for the Day, though it is not
easy for the mothers to part with her flesh 
but this tradition goes on since time immemorial & all Moms are
ready for the occasion & put in their best & she aspires to fulfill
their wishes which remained unfulfilled in her time & was chasing her in
her dreams.
She enquired about Ashwin & I lied that he left before
rains & told her that I drenched myself in rains & enjoyed thoroughly…
She came near me & caressing my hairs said in a naughty
“Baby, you are going crazy….”
I hugged her in my arms & kissed her many times which
was suppressed inside me from the time I got drenched with Ashwin
“Oh,…you are getting naughty…” she shrugged me aside & I
couldn’t say anything, just passed a smile but I’m sure one can’t evade the
eyes of a Mother who reads all but express only what is important….
That’s why, it is said,
“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made
And now I firmly believe.

to be continued….. 


The responses from both the families was contrary to our
imagination, what appeared tough task was sorted easily…people say, if one’s wishes are
true then nature help you out to get through easily
, it appeared cent
percent true…

Today’s Bollywood hero Shahrukh Khan puts in, ” Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho…to puri kainath usse tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai”, 

 Our feeling was honest & true for one another…we were
overwhelmed , we had crossed all the barriers & at  Ashwin’s place I was liked by his parents, the
question was of different communities but at least we had a bit to be sure
because we both belonged to forward sect of society…inter caste was an issue
but belonging to forward & backward sects was a serious issues in those
days….caste feeling was very much prevalent…it could not just happen…none
approved, even now, there is an issue, people still don’t wish but seeing the
trend of society ,it is not opposed on the front , further ,today’s children
don’t care for  the objections…they are
ready to go to any extent to fulfill their wishes, but we two wished to happen
things  with the blessings of our

Our dream got wings and it soared high, I was totally lost
in the world of my love, heart singing songs of love, world seem beautiful
& colorful and lovable. Nothing had changed everything was the same as
before…the transformation was within me…My feelings had changed for the
good…which made me feel everything beautiful…!!

Many times, I wanted to say out loud,  “ I LOVE U ASHWIN,” but  didn’t dared to say  aloud…a hesitation enveloped me but now I
wanted to break all  the barriers…I
started caring more about my looks, I wished to look best for Ashwin…though now
I feel for love, you don’t need to look beautiful because the man who loves
you loves you for who you are, not for your superficiality,
but girls have
weakness for their looks & they want to look best….and to receive
compliments for their beauty is their weakness, though she never admits.

It was turn of my Pa & Ashwin to convince his parents
especially the lady of the house for the alliance & would take few months
to reconcile. My attention was drifted from my studies which didn’t go
unnoticed by Maa & my love. They asked me to concentrate on my further studies;
I won’t get ample time for studies after marriage in the beginning years…this
time was perfect to complete my studies.
Ashwin started to look out for better opportunities to
settle down & he was even getting in lots because of higher studies from
US, he had to make a choice which one would be better for his future prospects,
in beginning, people look for such organizations where there is more scope to
learn rather than to earn and the subject Child Psychology- Behavioral needed a
better platform to enhance the knowledge.  These days he was more preoccupied with
interviews, meetings etc. so that he finds a suitable atmosphere to work.
After a month of marathon, he got into one of the best
institutions wherein he had to take care of the academics as well as to practice…with
better remuneration…in those days figures in thousands were more than lacs of
In late evening, I was strolling on my terrace deeply
engrossed in my love’s dream, suddenly someone came from by back and covered my
eyes, I was shaken by fear & shrieked….he consoled me and was standing in
front of me with a bouquet of beautiful roses & my favorite chocolates…. “
Good news Divya, now your man has got a job & am satisfied,” I was
overwhelmed, can’t express my emotions  in words but my eyes moistened, it was tears
of immense happiness, even Ashwin got emotional & handed me all the
chocolates. My joy knew no bounds, I wanted him to hold me in his arms but I
was tightlipped…I don’t know what he felt at that time but after marriage, he
confirmed that his emotions were the same as it was arising inside me but didn’t
had the courage to take the plunge. He pressed my hand hard in his hand which
comforted me that he was there for me & it was a big thing. We sat on the
terrace for hours in deep silence but it comforted us a lot. By 8 pm, he left
for his home; he had to give surprise to his parents too.  I thought to myself how with passage of time
priorities change, when a child is born, he wish to be closer to their parents
& their world revolves around them but when they outgrow their lap, this
close proximity is shared by the love or life partner. I was getting logical
but logic has no place in the world of emotions, I knew well.

The bouquet adorned my study table, loved the beautiful
roses of varied hues which spoke more of our relationship, love …

to be continued….. 


I am the eldest one in my siblings, among four sisters & youngest brother…in my childhood days, the festival of Rakhi was not much celebrated, we did not had a brother so I missed the fervor of this  festival unlikely my friends & neighbours who religiously celebrated with much gaiety & a week ahead they were busy in shopping & chalked many plans…keenly awaited what the collection would be from brothers though the amount they got was from parents…but still they waited for the D day…I felt vacuum inside…no  fervor for  Rakhi, though I never let out my emotions, no onlooker could assess my feelings but I felt very bad…It’s true that I did not had bro from my mother but I had brothers but they all stayed far and there was no ray of hope that they will be with us on this festival.

To divert my attention from this…you all won’t believe what I did…I used to buy Rakhi for myself & tied on my hand & adorned my forehead with Tilak & if somebody asked anything, I used to say very easily,” I am son of my family, so I tie the thread,”…. I lied to others to evade from the eyes which tried to peep inside me as I didn’t wished that truth surfaces out….

In the evening, we all friends gathered & most would be busy in counting the amount collected from bro’s & next day, they planned for movie shows with their Mom or Aunt, ( in our childhood days, going to a Movie was a planned leisure time) & enjoying chat and pani puri at their favourite shop.

After few years, my brother was born that too in the month of August, the month of far as I can recall…I have a vague memory that Rakhi was just after his birth ..and my grandmother bought rakhi for us & asked to tie in the tiny hands who couldn’t understand the value of this faith….we just tied to him ceremoniously as asked by elders…but still the zest was missing….I wasn’t even comfortable with his birth because the attention of all elders were on him…my grandparents, aunt & parents were on top of the world as they were blessed with a son after birth of four daughters…he was much awaited & all were overjoyed…but I felt neglected as all love was showered on him…now I feel it was a sibling rivalry…I was introvert in childhood days…lacked expression but inside me negativity developed seeing the change in attitude , though till today, My mother says that the feelings for all children are the same irrespective of gender which can be true..though I can’t ditto because I am blessed with two sons, no daughter, & I lack the feeling. he grew up, celebrations of Rakhi had a place in our house & my mom used to see that Rakhi’s, sweets &  new dresses are bought for us & after tying, we got few bucks from my Mom & but still I missed the zest..bcoz he was very much younger than me..we shared a difference of more than eight years so the bond of sibling rivalry missed in our relationship…what he did of our Rakhi was his weird act, he ate all the silk threads of the thread tied…not even for a hour,the threads adorned his wrists…it was his naughtiness which is quite natural for toddlers..he did not know the sanctity of this Rakhi.

Before he grew up, I was married off (at quite younger age) so again I missed the festival fervor & my siblings went far away from me…I was at Muzaffarpur & they all went to Karnataka, my father was placed there in Bangalore in service…and in the absence of technology….the distance was felt….it was a ritual to be followed, so I ceremoniously sent Rakhi by post,but I missed the feelings.

Till today…this festival does not hold much importance in my house because I don’t have a daughter & till my sons were here with us ,neighbours tied them Rakhi & I gave them bucks to pass on to their rakhi sisters, but never was anything special cooked at my house. My husband’s sisters don’t observe Rakhi, so at in -laws place, the zest missed. 

With the advancement in technology…now I send Rakhi’s online & keep myself busy one week ahead in choosing appropriate one & there are wide variety to choose from & now I enjoy the festival through on social sites where people put the pics of their kids or bro’s and sis observing this festival and it is a pleasure to watch the bonding of siblings… virtual world but it gives a satisfaction.

The new generation wish to go for single child, I am deadly against it, because being a parent you are snatching the bonding of love of siblings which are most of the time rivals in their early childhood but this rivalry gives an opportunity to grow faith in each other & the bond strengthens with time & this space can’t be filled by any other relations..there will be a void…

Disclaimer: The views are solely mine and there is no intention of offending enjoy reading!!!


Now one more herculean task laid ahead to get approval from my PA,
a tough job, I believed & Ashwin had to pursue….I didn’t had the guts to
face him for this issue…I loved my father very much adored him for his skills
but there was a hesitation between us….those days…fathers were strict with
their children & they didn’t believe in maintaining friendly relations with
the kids, they believed in the  adage, “SPARE
THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD,” so a distance was maintained & fixing of marriage
was totally on parents…& in Ashwin’s love I dared to cross the line…so now
we had to be ready to face the consequences but I had blind faith on my love.
He was quite matured & knew the tactics to deal people…this faith held me
strong from within…Next Sunday a week after my visit to Ashwin’s place was predefined
to meet my parents & I briefed my Mom of the plan & the whole episode
of Ashwin’s place. She too was nervous but still tried to be cool to pacify my
restlessness…We three waited for the D day, in the meantime my mother had
discussed in front of Pa that my colleague was coming for lunch on coming

My Mom prepared dishes of my choice as well as choice of
Ashwin on Sunday. By 12 noon, Ashwin came down to our place & we all sat in
living room. Pa was acquainted with him & they both talked for hours about
his stay at States & his family details & other burning issues of
society…we can say “Men talk” …I believe they were trying to get familiar with
each other…At the time of lunch, Ma laid the table & asked all of us to join. We
had lunch together….sumptuous lunch which invigorated the appetite. For me, the
food prepared by Mom was my favorite. I believe most kids feel the same for
their mothers…Ashwin too appreciated by mother’s culinary skills & said that
his wishes was to enjoy food prepared by Mom…Squint eyed, I was eyeing my
father’s reaction… he too joined in appreciation & added that he was fan
of her, due to mastery in culinary skills…it was Mom’s day. Ashwin asked Pa to
join him for a stroll at terrace…to ease him. Pa joined him & we too (mom
& I) were downstairs with our heartbeats pounding in ribcage for the
consequences after Ashwin’s proposal….There were utter silence in the house…our
ears were on terrace that my Pa might get angry & burst out badly on Ashwin.
But nothing of that sort was heard…I was praying to god …I believe after an
hour they came downstairs & that hour appeared as an year to me…I was
restless & Mom helpless…I drifted to my bedroom so that I couldn’t face my
Pa…they both were cool & well composed ..I thought may be Ashwin have
dropped the idea of discussion about marriage proposal…many questions rose in
my minds & answers were also with me…I was totally puzzled…there was pin
drop silence in house which I felt was indicative of some unknown fears…when I
felt asleep I did not even know…At around four, Mom woke me up to have tea…Mom
said that Ashwin had left after talking to Pa & papa was cool. No need to worry.
He had not disclosed anything to her also….I went into the living room to have
tea along. It was a routine exercise on weekends & on holidays…After tea,
my father broke the silence & he enquired about my feelings for Ashwin &
what all I knew of his descent, caste & creed etc…I told all the positive
aspects of Ashwin but lied that I was ignorant about his caste & creed…He
told me that he belonged from such caste where people are very orthodox &
conservative & even females are not given so much privileges as we enjoyed
in our Kayastha family…the feedback was detrimental but he did not hold any
grudges against my love…he was convinced by Ashwin’s attitude that he was a
nice guy with good values & will keep me happy…all girl’s parents seek the
same from their son-in laws but simultaneously he informed that it was tough
job to satiate his parents for this alliance & now the task laid ahead of
Pa & Ashwin to ready his parents & they had discussed how to go over it
to manage the blues & pacify for smooth relationship….anyway I was at ease
from my parent’s side now…I now realized that the view that I held for my
father was not true…though he was tough from outside but he was soft from
inside…today I discovered another face of my father…his true self…a new facet
of Pa of which I was ignorant of  or he
hid under the armour…Mom & me exchanged glances & she cuddled me in her
lap…the best place where I felt carefree. I feel all feel the same comfort in
mother’s lap…Pa came to my side & took my face in his hands & caressed me…his
eyes were filled with tears…a sentimental moment…a moment to be cherished till
I breathe my last.

to be continued….. 


Now we both were impatient….we wished that maximum time we spend with each other or were glued to land line phone..when ever the telephone rang, I leaped to pick…same was with Ashwin (as he told me)….the flame was on both sides..appropriate time for getting hitched..but it wasn’t easy as it seemed..we belonged to different community…though we both were Hindus…but in our time , inter caste alliances wasn’t so easy or it can be said very difficult…society too did not accepted easily…every parent wish that they fix their child marriage as per their choice & within the community….we had crossed both the boundaries…we wished to marry of our choice & that too in inter-caste….parents & society both were in back seat…way seemed topsy-turvy…but when you fall in love you don’t care to know the caste & creed…love is a spontaneous feeling & one comes to know when they have deeply fallen for each other & there is no choice...LOVE is never planned…& if you plan it means you are compromising not falling.

In both the houses, hot topic was to get hitched…we scratched our heads…because it needed a planning…plan to get the parents agree for marriage at Ashwin’s place & in my home..Mamma knew but the master of my house was my father, Mr.Chandra….a well built man, robust personality & held esteem in society & he kept with himself the powers of major decision..and Mamma too knew that it wasn’t easy but she confided in me & she wished that I marry a person of my choice…she knew to move with times..but my Pop..he wished to head in his own manner…he was caring towards me and my Mom but none could overrule him…But at Ashwin’s place,  the situation was just the opposite…His father Mr.Singh was College Principal but a cool man & took care of his son’s decisions but His Mom, Mrs. Singh was strict & loved to deal in her own ways..She was the principal of her house & Mr.Singh too was guided by her…& the extreme was we both were single child of our parents…all hopes pinned to us.

We both discussed & were busy in finding ways to make the parents agree. I was from Kayastha family & Ashwin was from Bhumihar Family, a very conservative & orthodox community & society even ostracized the family who married out of the community….in this long association we never fret or fume but to get the families agree we were at the threshold of losing patience…but losing patience would not help so we hatched a plan & hoped that it might click.
Ashwin requested me to come to his house over lunch…so that his parents could see me & what opinion they form for I had to dress in a formal attire… to drape myself in a saree…traditional way & to place myself elegantly before them ( I was well mannered but when the case is about marriage & formal meeting then one gets nervous..& I was in the same situation) & we had decided that caste subject won’t be discussed & if they deliberately ask then Ashwin will tell them that she belongs to his community….we had to do something to break the ice.
I briefed my Mom about our plan & she was a darling..she was there to support me. On Sunday, I started for Ashwin’s house clad in a light pink chiffon saree, light make up & a small bindi adorned my forehead & my tresses plaited…I had long silky hair which was noticed easily by onlookers…several times, I examined myself from head to toe in the I had to look best for their son & for my love too but my heart was racing & my cheeks were pink matching my saree…I tried my best to keep myself cool.

I was at Ashwin’s place by mid noon…they were all seated in open verandah…looked as if they were waiting for me…I didn’t know what Ashwin had briefed them but they welcomed heartily and his mother exclaimed,” You are very beautiful dear, Ashwin, I like your friend”..her remark eased my nervousness ( I did not know what she meant).

We all sat together in living room & our credentials were discussed over a cup of hot coffee & cookies leaving community issues aside. I helped his Mom in laying plates, though she had managed house very well..everything kept at defined place & it was a home..soothing atmosphere…I don’t know whether the observations that I had concluded was due to Ashwin’s attraction or anything else. Over lunch, his father said that we are in a look out for a suitable match and he feels I am perfect for him in all ways…Ashwin was blushing & feeling at ease…His Mom okay ed but she asked about my community…within seconds as planned…Ashwin told her that I am from same community & my parents will visit them for the alliance if they desired. Their body gestures confirmed that I was of their liking so the ball was in Ashwin’s court &  he needed to bat well both sides at his house & now he had to meet my father to ask for my hand.
In evening, I started for my house..Ashwin mom asked him to accompany me…our inner wishes were fulfilled…as we drifted aside from his place..he took my hand in his & gestures were exchanged…we felt relaxed after month long marathon…our dream seemed nearer…I wished to rest my head on his arm…but it was a wish which could not be fulfilled at this hour…I need to wait for the right time

to be continued….. 

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