Monday, August 25, 2014


In beginning, I felt worse at heart as I my heart ached for the glimpse of Ashwin but gradually I came out of the gloom as Ashwin talked to me over phone for long hours and his humors added glow to my life & his loud cackling laughter soothed me from deep inside & now I didn't miss him much ...after my study hours, I used to wait anxiously for his calls & we enjoyed each other’s company...without any inhibition & guilt he used to kiss me over phone & I thoroughly enjoyed his gesture though never disclosed this in the days of our courtship.

I shared the reason why Ashwin didn't visit our place with Mom & she was full of pride for her would be son-in-law & she exclaimed,

"Divya, you are lucky to have such a guy in your life who thinks for you first unlike many men who first thinks of their self and I heartily thank God to bless me with such a guy for my daughter & my respect for him has grown manifold. I pray that he remains the same throughout the life & you both share a beautiful relation."

Her facial expressions were remarkable, she seemed more relaxed and no worries regarding her daughter's future. Even I felt the same for Ashwin & I had accepted the fact that he was the Right Person to be my Love, Hubby, and Friend....& I could rely on him. What else a girl seeks from her Life partner...a true person whom one can trust & who can protect her with all his love.

With the passage of time our love bloomed in the showers of trust and care. My father & Ashwin were able to convince my in-laws for the alliance & they agreed upon in spite of caste difference & they were made to understand the fact that his son identity will be the same in his society & I will accept their traditions & follow the same without any prejudice. So, finally they approved our relationship & when I came to know of it through my parents & Ashwin, my joys knew no bounds.....I can't express in was a wonderful feeling.

A get together of both the families were fixed up at my place on Sunday…an invitation was sent by my parents for the get together so that all of us could meet & know each other well. Again my Mom tried all her best culinary skills to cook for them & I helped her in laying the tables and home décor. I made a bouquet of beautiful roses from our garden for my Love Ashwin & kept in my room, it was a secret plan to surprise my love. We were going to meet after four months…a long gap though in between we met at college campus for few minutes & the minutes passed by in gazing each other. But today with the approval of all, we had time to spend in company of each other and my heart planned a lot for our meeting….the after effects of Love...I believe…people says , “ Love is blind, “ now I felt how true it is said.

I dressed in a sari of my mom’s choice with pink and  mom did my make-up, light make-up and hair do to suit on sari…She embraced me and her eyes welled up…it was tears of happiness as well as a feeling of separation…I too felt the same…On one hand, I was getting my love but the thought of been away from my parents made me emotional….
At 1 pm, Ashwin arrived with his parents & we all sat together and had great time. It was a first meeting of my mother with his parents & but soon they mingled…Ashwin’s mother hugged me tight and showered her blessings & she appeared to be satisfied with his son’s choice & her eyes reflected her feelings which eased me because it is a matter of great concern for the girls who ties the knot with the groom and leaves her family to start a new fresh lease of life so acceptance of the groom’s family matters a lot.
After lunch, Ashwin father asked us to go in another room and spend time with each other & it was the longing of our hearts and we were waiting for the nod. His Father was very practical and understood the feelings of would be’s   & even my parents gave the nod.
I took him into my room upstairs   and as soon as we reached inside, I greeted him with the bouquet and he took me in his arms …I too was longing for the same…I felt at ease & protected in his strong arms and I closed my eyes & his soft caress kindled my soul…and there was deep silence between us ….still close proximity satisfied our soul …we were speechless. ..For the first time in our courtship, he planted a kiss on my lips which sent tingles all over my body and we parted.
In late evening, my mom asked us to join them for tea & I myself prepared tea for all & my in-laws appreciated my skills & my mom-in-law gifted me a gold chain accepting me as her daughter in law.
Both the families were happy with each other & they planned to get us hitched once my exams were there were two three months more to wait for the D day & the preparations for the marriage picked up in both the families. All four were busy in bookings, marketing for their son and daughter and other arrangements and in fulfilling their dreams that they had woven for their children  & we too were busy in dreaming of our lives in the company of each other.


to be continued..... 

Friday, August 22, 2014


Touch of Ashwin had sparked rows of emotions within me & had untamed my heart…I was missing him badly but didn’t had the courage to call at night…it was quite late…all had retreated to their rooms…The sky was clear & it was a starry night...I was changing my sides …off & on the whole episode was revolving in front of me...I wanted him to be close to me… & was longing  for his call…may be he too may be in the same state as me and will try to call…telephone rang for once &  got disconnected…It seemed the ring was for alert  to go near the phone…I grabbed the phone in seconds & was waiting it to ring again…it rang again…in first ring, I picked up the phone but was tight lipped…I went deep silence of night  I could hear the breath and was sure that Ashwin was there on the line.

“Hello Divya, how are you?” he spoke in quiet ease

“Fine Ashwin, and you?” I replied hurriedly

“Are u awake till now? “

“Yessss & missing youuuu,” I whispered

“Reallyyyyyyyyyyy. I am lucky,” he laughed out.

“Are u teasing me…I am not fooling, it’s true, God promise...” I said in one shot

“That’s it…now you are on the right track; I waited so long to hear from you & today is that special day where you bluntly proposed…before that you have supported me but never took the initiative...good, I am overjoyed dear…..I am pinching myself…is it true or it’s my dream  ” He whispered
“Calling me so late?” I inquired

“Because I knew that you were waiting for my call, its telepathy dear, what you feel I too feel the same…so called you to hear my sweet lady’s  voice…” he flattered

“Goodnight dear...” I concluded and he too wished me the same & we hung the lines.

It was two a.m. only two hours left for dawn break, I put off the lights & lied on my bed deeply engrossed in the thoughts of Ashwin, when I went into deep slumber...could not make out but Mom barged into my room at quarter to nine & virtually shouted on top of her voice to wake me  up.

“ O my god, you are sleeping till the break of day, chalo wake up, your college is not over Beta, you have to work hard…” all said in one go…her common commandments which I listened without interfering her since I was in high school…& it continued till today…it was a religious sermon, one can say.

Really, it was quite late…I had to be in class on time…no excuse works inside the college premises...once the lecture is on start no one can enter the class. Within half an hour, was ready for the college & after breakfast, I started from my house.  
 As I stepped inside the college premises, found Ashwin there…quite surprised…it was unexpected….

“Hi…” he said with a wide smile adorning his face.
“ here…” I said in subdued tone
“Yes…very well   here to see my darling before starting my day...” He said bluntly

I was very happy my joy knew no bounds but couldn’t say further, was blushing and Ashwin watched me from tip to toe & with a mischievous smile spread on his face.

“So…go for your’s getting late…see u soon…bye bye…” He marched out of the premises.

I too hurried for my classes…few minutes were left for the lecture to start. Once I was in the class, total concentration was on the part was nothing subdued my concentration.
As usual was waiting anxiously for Ashwin…but he didn’t turn up…the sun has set…the kids back to their houses…but no sign of him. Even my Mom inquired why he hadn’t come today was he in town or been out of station.

“What happened, Divya? Did u had a fight with him” …& numerous queries were pinned from Mom’s side
I feigned ignorance.

Ashwin called me in late evening …I was ardently waiting for his call but when I heard his voice, my eyes welled up & tears flowed down instantly and I couldn’t speak. 

“Hello Divya dear…my darling….Sorry I couldn’t come. I too wanted to meet you badly but see we have to maintain a respectable distance so that our relation is long lasting…I know you are mine & I am yours in totality but…we need to keep our pace slow till we are married…so tell me how was the day?” Ashwin said.
“I am fine…& how about you…happy leaving me alone” I said in subdued tone.
“Oh ho…where I have left you…I had told you that we would be talking for hours over can hear me & I can say whatever I wish with full freedom…no bindings...don’t be mistaken…come on…bug up…smile…laugh…I know you must be feeling bad, even I am feeling the same but still we have to follow the norms dear….don’t cry…laugh loudly…yeah I must say you were looking more  beautiful today…I believe it is colors of my magical love..” He laughed heartily

I felt consoled & his words convinced me that he was right and He was my Mr. Right…Perfect Life Partner who had the ability to gaze behind the emotions else I was a big emotional fool, I never accepted but it was true!

to be continued..... 

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

हमारी लाडली

चंचल और चपल,
नाजुक और कोमल
मनमोहिनी यही हैं
पहचान हमारी लाडली की ॥ 

घर आँगन गुलशन गुलशन
रहे इसके आगमन से
फिर भी समाज को नहीं भाती                                                                                            
जन्म हमारी लाडली की ॥

भूल जाते हैं लोग
यही है सृष्टि रचने वाली
इसी ने हमें जन्म दिया
और बढाया घऱ संसार ॥

बालपन में बापू के
आँगन की श्रिृंगार
यौवन में इठलाती चली
अपने बालम के द्वार
इक संसार को सुना कर
चली बसाने अपना घऱ संसार
बाबुल ने किया खुशी खुशी
बिदा अपनी लाङली
यही सदियों से चलती आई संस्कार ॥

सहमी - सहमी
आँखों में हसीऩ सपने लिए
चली सजाने बालम का घर संसार
नया घर नया परिवेश
जोड़ती हर नये रिशतों को
खुद को अटूट बंधन में ॥

बालम का हर सपना सजा
मनमोहिनी के आगमऩ से
किया न्योछावर खुद को
सराबोर बलमा के प्यार में ॥

कच्ची कली खिल गई
बलमा के अधिकाऱ में
नया जन्म पाया
ममता से परिपूर्ण
किलकारियों से गूजीं
खिलीं नये सुमन से
बगिया हमारी लाङली की ॥

शोख हसीना बन गई माँ
रात भऱ जागती
करती सेवा अपने बगिया की
भूल अपना साज़ श्रिृंगार ॥

भोर होती किलक़ाऱियों से
कब ढल जाता दिन
प्यार दुलार से सिंचती
अपना घर संसार
भूल अपने बाबूल का संसार
जिस घर में पली बड़ी
वही घर हो जाता परदेश ॥

सुबह से शाम तक
घिरनी सी नाचती
बच्चों को सिंचा
ममता की छावों में
आँख़ों में सपने सजाए
अऱमाऩ लिए खुशियों की
लूटा दिया ममता ही हर क़ीमत
कर के समस्त न्योछावर
हमारी लाडली॥

कितने रिशतों में ख़ुद को पिरोती
बन जीवनसंगिनी और माँ
बहऩ, भाभी और बहू

हज़ार कोशिशों के बाद भी
होती कभी अगर भूल
तो सुन लेती दुहाई अपने संस्कारों की
सुख़ दुःख़ हैं जीवन के दो पहलू
यही सोच फुसलाती ख़ुद को
हमारी लाडली॥

इतनी त्याग पर भी
क्या वह सम्मान पाती
घर में बड़ों का शासन
बाहर में ज़ालिम संसार

लोगों की ऩजर भेदती
चीरती उसकी छाती
नज़ऱों से बचाती अपने यौवन को॥

हम भी दोहरी ज़िंदगी जीते
घर घर में पूजते लक्ष्मी और दुर्गा
घर की लक्ष्मी को दुतकारते
जिस जऩनी ने हमें जन्म दिया
क़ोख में उसकी हत्या होती
चाह लिए बेटों की

पर क्या हम सज़ा पाएगें
बेटों का घऱ संसार
बिना जन्म हमारी लाडली की॥

----- इला 

Sunday, August 17, 2014


“When God Created Mothers"

 When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel
appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one." And God said,

"Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic.
Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers.
Have a lap that disappears when she stands up.  A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a
disappointed love affair.  And six pairs of hands."
The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way."
It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked,
"it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."
That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded.
One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when
she already knows.
Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of
course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand
and I love you' without so much as uttering a word. “God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently,
"Get some rest tomorrow...."I can't," said God, "I'm so close to
creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can 
feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a
shower. “The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. “It’s too soft, “she sighed.
But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure."
Can it think?” Not only can it think, but it can reason and  compromise," said the Creator
Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.
There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."
It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."
What's it for?" It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride."
You are a genius, “said the angel.

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.”


I was on the verge of completing Masters, few months were left for the courses to complete & clear my Post graduation & I was in a search of senior under whom I could carry out my project. I vowed to myself to concentrate more on my subjects so that I qualify with distinctions. Gradually, I comforted myself in a routine of college going girl whose priority was to do well in subjects.
 Religiously Ashwin visited my place after office & we spent evenings together. He had become fan of my hot beverage prepared by me especially for Ashwin. I was trying to improve my skills in kitchen,
As adage goes, “the way to a man's heart is through his stomach”,
I wasn't much sure how much truth it had but still believed…beliefs are followed and not challenged so I too followed religiously. In Love, One can go to any extent & that proves love for each other where you follow your heart and don't let your mind question, I was sailing in the same boat. The evenings were enjoyable, he had full pack of things to share with me, his new job and assignments & how he was faring, he enjoyed sharing and there was a purpose too, as I was of the same field so his account of experiences would help me in my future job & the most important thing was that we enjoyed each other’s company and wanted excuse to spend maximum time together.
Mom had always supported me and now after Pa’s nod, she was more relaxed, so there were no restrictions & the terrace, isolated corner of the house was the favorite place of ours to dwell in conversations for hours. After college, I spent an hour or so in getting ready in my favorite dresses and off and on would dance near the mirror judging myself, my looks, my hair do…..& numerous things  & as the motorcycle stopped in the portico, my heart beats paced high & I started blushing….
Ashwin had noticed the changes; his smile on the lips & his expressive big eyes conveyed all which remained unsaid between us. As the sun went down to set for the day & darkness enveloped the sky. …changing colors from sky blue to orange & royal blue & birds flew back to their nests & kids after playing retreated for their homes, we inched closer & I could feel his breath on my skin & soothing odor of his body which soothed my senses & he felt the same or more than me wasn't expressed between us. He held my hand between his long fingers for few seconds in between our courtship & wouldn’t hold for longer, I feel he didn't feel comfortable too; it was not that he disliked but the flow of emotions was uncontrollable & it was normal for a normal young guy.

As I can recall, it was an evening of month July the peak monsoon season, the dark clouds hovered in the sky & we couldn't make out when sun went down, dark smoky clouds enveloped the sky and lightning illuminated the clouds, As usual, we too were on the terrace busy in our own world of romance, when rain drenched us we didn't notice, all of a sudden there was heavy outburst of rain, till we realized we both were drenched completely.

I was unable to understand what to do next, if I go downstairs in this attire then it will be questionable because none will believe that we were not aware of the rains till we were drenched, it will not be a valid excuse to be excused anyhow I gathered myself to stand.

Ashwin caught hold of my hand, this time his grip was hard and I felt the pain in my wrist. I sensed the change in him but couldn't make out the reason for change, I wanted to get myself free from his grip but he didn't let me go.

 “Oh leave me Ashwin, what are you doing.."

“No No No,.." he said firmly, his voice modulation too was changed & I felt his heartbeats closer.
He inched closer to me, his toned body showed under his wet white shirt, and his chest  full of hairs, drops dripping from his forehead to his nose & cheeks and it fell on my face & body, I felt the drops hot over my skin. The changed attitude of Ashwin had alerted me but as he inched closer, my lips were locked & I couldn't say a word. He held me close adjacent to the walls & pressed himself on me & I was feeling weak & lifeless but I felt the hardness of his body but after few minutes, he released me with a peck on my cheek, forehead…& I too melted inside.

For the first time in the courtship of so many years, I had observed the radical change in him & I feel the rain was responsible for his changed behavior, as we were able to see each other’s body peeping out of wet clothes & a normal guy can’t control. Without saying a single word or looking back, he hurriedly ran down the stairs & raced his bike.

Slowly, I went downstairs in my room to change or to observe myself in the mirror. I bolted from inside & straightaway I stood in front of mirror, I was feeling numb from inside but there was a glow on my face which anybody could make out the changes ...& the reason behind it…& my head spin ned when I looked at myself in the mirror…the wet clothes stuck on my body and defined my contours and that was the reason that such a matured guy lost control & anybody could, even saints would have tough time. I held myself responsible for this though I never admitted on the face of Ashwin. I wanted to kiss the places where he had touched me & didn't wish to change, I felt the odor of his body within me which comforted my senses, I didn't want to change  but had to else what would I explain to others.

I stood under the shower and took a warm water bath to ease myself and sprinkled eau de cologne on myself. After changing, I went into the kitchen to get hot coffee for myself, there was pin drop silence in the house, I looked for Mom but luckily she wasn't there in the house. She had been to market for daily shopping & these days she didn’t disturbed me when I was with Ashwin. I waited for Mom in the living room resting on the sofa; it was dark outside because of dark clouds which appeared to be ready to burst anytime again. It appeared as if there would be heavy rain throughout the night, deep silence outside. The telephone bell rang, I hurriedly leaped out to pick up the call, there was silence at the other end…twice I said hello but when no one spoke, I too stood still with the receiver waiting for the caller to say something….I was certain that Ashwin was on the other side of line…after few seconds, he sighed & I did the same at this end.

“I love you Dear’, he said numerous times, I stood motionless hearing his voice which sent butterflies in my stomach but I kept quiet. After that he said that he won't be coming regular to meet me, we need a break else we might end up in difficult situation & we should be under limitations till we are hitched, it can happen that we lose control in isolation, it’s quite obvious for a normal man & “we are normal..”, he said stressing normal.

I didn't say a word, I knew he was more matured than me and I agreed fully with his views, he knew the limitations but my heart was not ready to accept that we won't be meeting regularly but I kept quiet and kept my mind busy in chalking out the plans to meet him on daily basis but instantly no plans came to my mind so I refrained from commenting & he told me that he would give hours on phone to talk over, being the safest medium to control ourselves.. Respect & love for him grew manifold within me. How lucky I am to have such a guy in my life, whose thoughts are commendable unlike the youngsters of today (most of them, not all) who are more inclined to satiate their needs instead of maintaining the sanctity of relationships.
There was a mixed feeling for the evening of today, experienced new dimensions of love life which heart had accepted but mind objected and the inner conscience alerted not to proceed further & I believe Ashwin had felt the same which compelled to decide not to mingle in isolation and we both been students of Psychology understood much better the activities & could read in between the lines which would be difficult for others. People in love listen to their heart & ignores conscience but we too been in behavioral science could not ignore….

Mom came back late in the evening with  fully loaded colorful packets, few filled up with daily needs & others were full of clothes & accessories…marketing for the marriage had taken up…it was an important occasion for her…her “Aankhon ka tara” had grown & was eligible for marriage…it’s a dream of every mom…she sees for her daughter & eagerly waits for the Day, though it is not easy for the mothers to part with her flesh  but this tradition goes on since time immemorial & all Moms are ready for the occasion & put in their best & she aspires to fulfill their wishes which remained unfulfilled in her time & was chasing her in her dreams.
She enquired about Ashwin & I lied that he left before rains & told her that I drenched myself in rains & enjoyed thoroughly…
She came near me & caressing my hairs said in a naughty tone
“Baby, you are going crazy….”
I hugged her in my arms & kissed her many times which was suppressed inside me from the time I got drenched with Ashwin
“Oh,…you are getting naughty…” she shrugged me aside & I couldn't say anything, just passed a smile but I'm sure one can’t evade the eyes of a Mother who reads all but express only what is important….
That’s why, it is said,
“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.…..”
And now I firmly believe.

to be continued..... 

Thursday, August 14, 2014


The responses from both the families was contrary to our imagination, what appeared tough task was sorted easily…people say, if one’s wishes are true then nature help you out to get through easily, it appeared cent percent true…
Today's Bollywood hero Shahrukh Khan puts in, " Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko dil se puri kainath usse tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai", 

 Our feeling was honest & true for one another…we were overwhelmed , we had crossed all the barriers & at  Ashwin's place I was liked by his parents, the question was of different communities but at least we had a bit to be sure because we both belonged to forward sect of society...inter caste was an issue but belonging to forward & backward sects was a serious issues in those days....caste feeling was very much could not just happen...none approved, even now, there is an issue, people still don't wish but seeing the trend of society ,it is not opposed on the front , further ,today's children don't care for  the objections...they are ready to go to any extent to fulfill their wishes, but we two wished to happen things  with the blessings of our parents.

Our dream got wings and it soared high, I was totally lost in the world of my love, heart singing songs of love, world seem beautiful & colorful and lovable. Nothing had changed everything was the same as before…the transformation was within me…My feelings had changed for the good…which made me feel everything beautiful…!!
Many times, I wanted to say out loud,  “ I LOVE U ASHWIN,” but  didn’t dared to say  aloud…a hesitation enveloped me but now I wanted to break all  the barriers…I started caring more about my looks, I wished to look best for Ashwin…though now I feel for love, you don’t need to look beautiful because the man who loves you loves you for who you are, not for your superficiality, but girls have weakness for their looks & they want to look best….and to receive compliments for their beauty is their weakness, though she never admits.

It was turn of my Pa & Ashwin to convince his parents especially the lady of the house for the alliance & would take few months to reconcile. My attention was drifted from my studies which didn’t go unnoticed by Maa & my love. They asked me to concentrate on my further studies; I won’t get ample time for studies after marriage in the beginning years...this time was perfect to complete my studies.
Ashwin started to look out for better opportunities to settle down & he was even getting in lots because of higher studies from US, he had to make a choice which one would be better for his future prospects, in beginning, people look for such organizations where there is more scope to learn rather than to earn and the subject Child Psychology- Behavioral needed a better platform to enhance the knowledge.  These days he was more preoccupied with interviews, meetings etc. so that he finds a suitable atmosphere to work.
After a month of marathon, he got into one of the best institutions wherein he had to take care of the academics as well as to practice…with better remuneration…in those days figures in thousands were more than lacs of today.
In late evening, I was strolling on my terrace deeply engrossed in my love’s dream, suddenly someone came from by back and covered my eyes, I was shaken by fear & shrieked….he consoled me and was standing in front of me with a bouquet of beautiful roses & my favorite chocolates…. “ Good news Divya, now your man has got a job & am satisfied,” I was overwhelmed, can’t express my emotions  in words but my eyes moistened, it was tears of immense happiness, even Ashwin got emotional & handed me all the chocolates. My joy knew no bounds, I wanted him to hold me in his arms but I was tightlipped…I don’t know what he felt at that time but after marriage, he confirmed that his emotions were the same as it was arising inside me but didn’t had the courage to take the plunge. He pressed my hand hard in his hand which comforted me that he was there for me & it was a big thing. We sat on the terrace for hours in deep silence but it comforted us a lot. By 8 pm, he left for his home; he had to give surprise to his parents too.  I thought to myself how with passage of time priorities change, when a child is born, he wish to be closer to their parents & their world revolves around them but when they outgrow their lap, this close proximity is shared by the love or life partner. I was getting logical but logic has no place in the world of emotions, I knew well.

The bouquet adorned my study table, loved the beautiful roses of varied hues which spoke more of our relationship, love …

to be continued..... 

Sunday, August 10, 2014


I am the eldest one in my siblings, among four sisters & youngest my childhood days, the festival of Rakhi was not much celebrated, we did not had a brother so I missed the fervor of this  festival unlikely my friends & neighbours who religiously celebrated with much gaiety & a week ahead they were busy in shopping & chalked many plans...keenly awaited what the collection would be from brothers though the amount they got was from parents...but still they waited for the D day...I felt vacuum  fervor for  Rakhi, though I never let out my emotions, no onlooker could assess my feelings but I felt very bad...It's true that I did not had bro from my mother but I had brothers but they all stayed far and there was no ray of hope that they will be with us on this festival.

To divert my attention from all won't believe what I did...I used to buy Rakhi for myself & tied on my hand & adorned my forehead with Tilak & if somebody asked anything, I used to say very easily," I am son of my family, so I tie the thread,".... I lied to others to evade from the eyes which tried to peep inside me as I didn't wished that truth surfaces out....

In the evening, we all friends gathered & most would be busy in counting the amount collected from bro's & next day, they planned for movie shows with their Mom or Aunt, ( in our childhood days, going to a Movie was a planned leisure time) & enjoying chat and pani puri at their favourite shop.

After few years, my brother was born that too in the month of August, the month of far as I can recall...I have a vague memory that Rakhi was just after his birth ..and my grandmother bought rakhi for us & asked to tie in the tiny hands who couldn't understand the value of this faith....we just tied to him ceremoniously as asked by elders...but still the zest was missing....I wasn't even comfortable with his birth because the attention of all elders were on grandparents, aunt & parents were on top of the world as they were blessed with a son after birth of four daughters...he was much awaited & all were overjoyed...but I felt neglected as all love was showered on I feel it was a sibling rivalry...I was introvert in childhood days...lacked expression but inside me negativity developed seeing the change in attitude , though till today, My mother says that the feelings for all children are the same irrespective of gender which can be true..though I can't ditto because I am blessed with two sons, no daughter, & I lack the feeling. he grew up, celebrations of Rakhi had a place in our house & my mom used to see that Rakhi's, sweets &  new dresses are bought for us & after tying, we got few bucks from my Mom & but still I missed the zest..bcoz he was very much younger than me..we shared a difference of more than eight years so the bond of sibling rivalry missed in our relationship...what he did of our Rakhi was his weird act, he ate all the silk threads of the thread tied...not even for a hour,the threads adorned his was his naughtiness which is quite natural for toddlers..he did not know the sanctity of this Rakhi.

Before he grew up, I was married off (at quite younger age) so again I missed the festival fervor & my siblings went far away from me...I was at Muzaffarpur & they all went to Karnataka, my father was placed there in Bangalore in service...and in the absence of technology....the distance was was a ritual to be followed, so I ceremoniously sent Rakhi by post,but I missed the feelings.

Till today...this festival does not hold much importance in my house because I don't have a daughter & till my sons were here with us ,neighbours tied them Rakhi & I gave them bucks to pass on to their rakhi sisters, but never was anything special cooked at my house. My husband's sisters don't observe Rakhi, so at in -laws place, the zest missed. 

With the advancement in I send Rakhi's online & keep myself busy one week ahead in choosing appropriate one & there are wide variety to choose from & now I enjoy the festival through on social sites where people put the pics of their kids or bro's and sis observing this festival and it is a pleasure to watch the bonding of virtual world but it gives a satisfaction.

The new generation wish to go for single child, I am deadly against it, because being a parent you are snatching the bonding of love of siblings which are most of the time rivals in their early childhood but this rivalry gives an opportunity to grow faith in each other & the bond strengthens with time & this space can't be filled by any other relations..there will be a void...

Disclaimer: The views are solely mine and there is no intention of offending enjoy reading!!!

Tuesday, August 5, 2014


Now one more herculean task laid ahead to get approval from my PA, a tough job, I believed & Ashwin had to pursue….I didn’t had the guts to face him for this issue…I loved my father very much adored him for his skills but there was a hesitation between us….those days…fathers were strict with their children & they didn’t believe in maintaining friendly relations with the kids, they believed in the  adage, “SPARE THE ROD, SPOIL THE CHILD,” so a distance was maintained & fixing of marriage was totally on parents…& in Ashwin’s love I dared to cross the line…so now we had to be ready to face the consequences but I had blind faith on my love. He was quite matured & knew the tactics to deal people…this faith held me strong from within…Next Sunday a week after my visit to Ashwin’s place was predefined to meet my parents & I briefed my Mom of the plan & the whole episode of Ashwin’s place. She too was nervous but still tried to be cool to pacify my restlessness…We three waited for the D day, in the meantime my mother had discussed in front of Pa that my colleague was coming for lunch on coming Sunday.

My Mom prepared dishes of my choice as well as choice of Ashwin on Sunday. By 12 noon, Ashwin came down to our place & we all sat in living room. Pa was acquainted with him & they both talked for hours about his stay at States & his family details & other burning issues of society…we can say “Men talk” …I believe they were trying to get familiar with each other…At the time of lunch, Ma laid the table & asked all of us to join. We had lunch together….sumptuous lunch which invigorated the appetite. For me, the food prepared by Mom was my favorite. I believe most kids feel the same for their mothers…Ashwin too appreciated by mother’s culinary skills & said that his wishes was to enjoy food prepared by Mom…Squint eyed, I was eyeing my father’s reaction... he too joined in appreciation & added that he was fan of her, due to mastery in culinary skills…it was Mom’s day. Ashwin asked Pa to join him for a stroll at terrace…to ease him. Pa joined him & we too (mom & I) were downstairs with our heartbeats pounding in ribcage for the consequences after Ashwin’s proposal….There were utter silence in the house...our ears were on terrace that my Pa might get angry & burst out badly on Ashwin. But nothing of that sort was heard...I was praying to god …I believe after an hour they came downstairs & that hour appeared as an year to me...I was restless & Mom helpless…I drifted to my bedroom so that I couldn’t face my Pa…they both were cool & well composed ..I thought may be Ashwin have dropped the idea of discussion about marriage proposal…many questions rose in my minds & answers were also with me…I was totally puzzled…there was pin drop silence in house which I felt was indicative of some unknown fears…when I felt asleep I did not even know…At around four, Mom woke me up to have tea…Mom said that Ashwin had left after talking to Pa & papa was cool. No need to worry. He had not disclosed anything to her also….I went into the living room to have tea along. It was a routine exercise on weekends & on holidays…After tea, my father broke the silence & he enquired about my feelings for Ashwin & what all I knew of his descent, caste & creed etc…I told all the positive aspects of Ashwin but lied that I was ignorant about his caste & creed…He told me that he belonged from such caste where people are very orthodox & conservative & even females are not given so much privileges as we enjoyed in our Kayastha family…the feedback was detrimental but he did not hold any grudges against my love…he was convinced by Ashwin’s attitude that he was a nice guy with good values & will keep me happy…all girl’s parents seek the same from their son-in laws but simultaneously he informed that it was tough job to satiate his parents for this alliance & now the task laid ahead of Pa & Ashwin to ready his parents & they had discussed how to go over it to manage the blues & pacify for smooth relationship….anyway I was at ease from my parent’s side now...I now realized that the view that I held for my father was not true...though he was tough from outside but he was soft from inside…today I discovered another face of my father…his true self...a new facet of Pa of which I was ignorant of  or he hid under the armour…Mom & me exchanged glances & she cuddled me in her lap…the best place where I felt carefree. I feel all feel the same comfort in mother’s lap…Pa came to my side & took my face in his hands & caressed me…his eyes were filled with tears…a sentimental moment…a moment to be cherished till I breathe my last.

to be continued.....