These days it’s quite common for the Dads to take care of
the kids, due to nuclear family set up and if Mums are working then they have
to be more diligent in taking care of the child.
Earlier there were joint family set ups, so there were herd
of people to take care of the young ones & Mom- Dad did not had much
botheration if they were to go for outing, job or for some work.
But nowadays, after kids, if Mom has to go out then she
needs to plan quite prior to the day and it’s amicably decided that the Dad
will take leave from work to be iin-housetaking care of little ones.
In my case, my husband is fond of kids and he can go to any
length to keep them happy. I am too fond of kids but I am a disciplinarian and
see that the children doesn’t take advantage of my lenience. I am more
particular to the judgment but my husband is just my antonym (I added this word in lieu of opposite, just for fun).
Judgment stands on his mood, if he is happy, he won’t care.
He will fulfill all demands and if he is in the slack mood then genuine things too won’t be heard and in my case, it isn’t so.
I don’t move along with moods, I am judgmental in all
circumstances and I hook up with my take.
I have two boys, now they have outgrown my lap but the
memories are still intact as if it is the story of yesterday.
My tiny tots were manageable and I raised them into
independent child. It wasn’t easier to train but they were easy to manage…I
consider myself lucky.
I started working when my kids completed their primary
school, before that I managed business of pharmaceuticals operating from my
home, but still there were instances when I had to go out for some work and in those situations, my husband stayed back.
As soon as my kids came to know that I was going for an outing,
they were very happy, though they didn’t show externally I could sense from
their body language…Maa hoon naa.
They knew that their Papa will cook their favorites (he is
a good cook), will approve their demands for toys and games along with cold
drinks, chocolates & chips and they would be free to move freely in the
house, jump on the sofa etc…a complete masti day.
Once I was getting ready for the outing, then I overheard
the conversation of Dad and beta:
“Papa, mummy jab
jayegi to mujhe wo wala toy dila dena.” So was the prakop (wrath) of Mummy in my house.
And Papa smartly didn’t reply in words, just shook his head
As soon as I would be ready to leave, their best question
propped up, “Mummy, kab aaogi?”
I would just smile, I understood the meaning of their smart
And both boys in unison will say, “Yayyyyy” & Dad was
He would cook their favorite delicacies and after having
food, he would snore and these smarty’s had immense freedom to watch cartoons, play around uncaring about the furnishings.
They celebrated the day as their independence day.
After having good sleep, he would take them to market to buy
the goods of their choice.
As I stepped inside, the younger one will come to me with
his toys and very innocently would say, “Dekho naa, Papa khareed diye hain”
The smart explanation they had and Dad would be busy in keeping
the things in their place so that I don’t give sermons to all.
My hubby’s body language clearly communicated that he had a
In conclusion, all the three of them enjoyed to the fullest
in my absence.
If I complained, “You are encouraging them to be undisciplined.”
His simple reply, “You are there to handle & bachche
tumse darte hain aur hum bhi”
I am a person with no lingering habits except for Music…I can listen to songs at any hour of the day, I just need “Me” time to listen.
I can live in any place with a few of my much-needed things and it compulsorily should include a set of music, books of my choice and pen-paper. It’s too many things for a company and I can live in a stretch with these inexpensive possessions. Here, I specifically mention inexpensive because I don’t go chasing brands for each and everything. Yes, I was choosy in selecting a brand for music set. Thanks to the web of technology that has taken entry in each and every role and one system (Desktop or Laptop, any) will suffice my requirements to stay at any place, it has all my requirements embedded in One, Music, E-books, MS Office. If I am at my place, I keep a system exclusive for my affair with Music, Books in Covers spread near me, (E-books only for emergency use Where I can’t carry or when only e-books are available and I don’t have a choice) and I certainly need pen & paper to scribble ideas, final touch I give in MS Office.
I am a tea-lover, indeed piping hot water with tea-leaves in Lassi glass, no milk- no sugar, I can’t manage in tea-cups, for that you can call me “Dehati” or a rustic…I am not ashamed to be termed as for the tea…but I am not a slave of it…I can go with it or without it. I am a master of my own, no one can rule my mind…not even my kids and they reign in my heart…Oossshhh…I conveyed a lot about me.
And my life partner, Mr.Varma is just the opposite of me, Opposite Sex with Opposite Habits…God has been quite caring to me in this perspective and blessed me profusely by getting me married with V.
You all might be confused about what I am saying, what are my intentions today…Hahaha. My Man…opposite yet Mr.Right & Fantastic. I don’t have any ready options at this stage of life….no choice after spending twenty-eight springs with this Man…don’t think, still young at heart and I dance on the peppy numbers….and for me, Age is just a number…but “Old Habits Die Hard” and I have got used to this Man Fantastic.
Aww…I am caught in my own words, isn’t it? I can’t take myself off easily from relationships of any kind…once accepted, I am always there for all with whom I share strings of my heart…don’t get mistaken…family, friends, neighbors, well-wishers…for me all come under the net of relationships.
When I was married to Mr.Right, I counted the things in common and after spending nearing three decades, I have managed to find out the uncommon things and found that we were more of Opposite Stuff then been of same components.
We both are lovers or admirers of non-vegetarian foods…but he loves Masala Curries & I prefer roasted or less spicy.
We both love to stand to help people, be it, close relatives,friends, social circles or unknown, but we vary, style of indulgence is different, sometimes he will be over-indulgent in terms of money and at times spendthrift, but I am mostly balanced, spend when required, I have or haven’t doesn’t matters much in case of requirement.
We both prefer to wear clean and ironed clothes…again, weare at loggerheads…When he gets new sets of clothing, and he will discard the old ones…my new additions is an addon in my wardrobe…result is bumper…I have two three wardrobes stacked full of clothes and he has one shelf of clothes. Here, I would like to mention that the discarded ones are not worn out, he is in practice of leaving the user in the face of new ones.
I feel fortunate that I am on his list…I think he has not got a new one…else he might have contemplated for a change…I pray that he doesn’t get one.
These were the things which I counted as Common in the beginning years of married life….gradually managed to find the loopholes in our most common traits….in the journey of 28 years plus.
Regarding habits, we are totally different and opposite. I hate the sight of Pan Parag & Rajnigandha (Tobacco Sachets) and he adores it. He just can’t live without it for some time, till he is awake. You will find in his hand all the time…never forgets to carry along, so passionate about it. Initially, I used to pester him to leave this nasty habit and tried varied ways to distract him, but I failed in my pursuits and he is successful till today in carrying with it. I fear that someday this habit of My Man might have a negative impact on his health and I do comment off and on warning him, but there isn’t any impact of my words on his habit. Finally, I gave up and surrendered and he is happy.
He is different from me still, I can’t stop loving him.
The adage goes perfectly with him, “Way to a man’s heart is through his stomach!”
We have been hearing this adage, “All That Glitters Is Not Gold” since
time immemorial & it’s very true in its own context. We get attracted by
one’s appearance but what appears to be beautiful may not be beautiful always so we need an eye to introspect & judge its intrinsic value but it’s the
human psychology that the looks appeal us more than the quality be it an
article or object or people & we run after the appearance overlooking its
intrinsic value. The impactof appeal is more and many times we adjudge a
person or a thing with its external appearance.
As I navigate down the memory lanes during school days, an incident props up in front of my eyes which is very convincing for this adage. When I was in school, I had a friend Vinita. She was very close to me. Whenever I visited
her house, the way the house was managed attracted me a lot. The things were in order, clean and well maintained. I used to envy. We had a joint family with near about 15-20 members, indeed a very big family, three generations staying under the same roof. Due to a generation gap, the living style was unique of each member of our family. All contributed in household work, so there was less botheration on the head of the family, unlike today’s nuclear families where the burden of each and everything hangs on the head of the family. But I couldn’t dream of a well-maintained house, cleanliness was in abundance but the things weren’t arranged in order. Many times, I wished that maybe someday my house is too kept in order as Vinita’s but it seemed a far-fetched dream.
Once I had an opportunity to stay at Vinita’s house due to some ill happenings in my family and all went to our native place, I had to stay back due to final exams. I was very happy to stay at her place, my dream home. But in a day or two, I found it very difficult to adjust to her place. There were fixed set of rules
and all members had to follow & at my place, no rules were defined. So I
found it too bothering. Before starting for the school, it was mandatory for
all to arrange their beds in order. On return, all had to carry their shoes in
hand and place it on the shoe rack. Till the cleaning of the house, none were
allowed to enter the house. There were too many bindings, I felt
At that time, I realized that I never ever regarded my mother, aunt or granny for the pain that they took to run the house with so many people all having
different mindsets. I was attracted to the house of Vinita but after
staying there I realized that the freedom to live casual was missing and all
were on toes to keep the house in order or to avoid confrontations with her Mom unlike at my house where we breathed freely & lived a carefree life.
The heart was filled with love and regard for the women folks of my family who gave their best in running the house and never ever got irritated over the music that we children created, free to eat anywhere inside the house, throw clothes and shoes in different corners of the house etc. But we were never charged rather in the morning, we got our things proper place.
I realized my mistake, it was the impact of external appearance which appealed me the most & I find this adage very apt, “ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD”
It’s my own feeling so guys don’t get offended, sorry if you feel offended.
It was Friday evening…after my classes were over…I was crossing the big lawn of college, way back to home….I saw a tall shadow following me…. “ hey…how are you…” the same voice of the Senior intercepted my way…my heartbeats raced faster but my legs could not take a step forward…
“Ha…ha…ha…” he was laughing out loud and stood
beside me…. “Hi…don’t you want to know my name. I am Ashwin…Ur senior waiting for a favor from Divya darl….ing…”
“Divya, I know your eyes are searching me …accept this fact….I’m too in search of you. I like you…love you…and cannot live without you…” all said in one go by Ashwin as if he was waiting for this D day to confess…I was perplexed and could not utter a word.
He walked a few steps and asked me to accompany him but I moved forward…I was dumb but did not disapprove his way of confession…I liked
it…now I will say, I loved his way of confession!
Ashwin…Ashwin…Ashwin…the name was ringing in my ears. I could feel his close proximity….I felt everything beautiful and colorful within me, near me and around me…I found myself lost in his thoughts…if really it was “LOVE “ then nothing could be as beautiful as this, I was damn sure…This four lettered “WORD” brought wonderful changes in me…a carefree girl became conscious of her looks. Dresses…and a DESIRE to be watched by my Love “Ashwin”…I used to talk hours with my love in my thoughts.
I wasn’t aware if Ashwin felt the same for me, as I was developing the feeling for him.
My taste of colors changed drastically and started liking colorful dresses
contrary to my choice of sober and light colors…looked in the mirror often…my Mamma’s eyes sensed this change…It did not remain unnoticed from her
eyes…She read the changes easily in me and kept a silent vigil on me.
“Beta…what is it…” she smiled …a naughty smile which wanted me to share my feelings with her.
“What’s it Maa…”
I said looking the other way it was very early to disclose….I was floating in colors of Love, but still was not sure for the other person…A…s…h…w…i……n……..
“Your tastes are on change….certainly, there is a reason for this change…it cannot go unnoticed from the eyes of a Mother, Divya darling!”
“There is nothing like that Mamma. If any day I feel so, you will be the first one to know…relax…the changes that you are finding me is the peer pressure you can say….all girls of my batch are very choosy about their dresses and looks and I find myself odd man out so trying to compete with the peer group…”
I tried to pacify her feelings. I know… I was lying but no choice was left with me rather lie though I too did not like to lie. Now I understood that we lie easily in the fervor of Love.
My whole wardrobe changed…new colorful dresses matching accessories…spent a lot at markets with my Mamma.
A Simple girl has changed into a graceful gal concerned more about her looks…attires……My step towards college gate raced my heart beats and I blushed more often. Every day our eyes met and smiles were exchanged before going to classes. I don’t know whether he was there deliberately or by chance….but every day it could not be a chance….started daydreaming in class…sometimes it was noticed easily by my batch mates or professors…
In lunch break. I went to canteen…it has become a routine affair… Ashwin was there with his friends…glances were exchanged that’s all…no greeting, though I longed to hear from him. This routine could not continue for more than a fortnight, but now I feel that a fortnight was like a year…nowadays guys don’t have the patience to hold themselves for a day or two
but in our days…People were more patient…and the reason behind this patience was that there were no computers. No mobile phones. No emails…no internet connections…the modes of communication available tested our patience…Landline phones. Trunk Calls…letter and postcards were the modes available in our time which really tested our patience.
9th day of March was the most important day of my life…As I entered the canteen, I found Ashwin sitting all alone at the last bench of canteen…one seat vacant near his side…He smiled and waved & asked me to join him …in gestures. No words exchanged…I longed for this day though I never took the initiative but never ever declined Ashwin’s approach. In few seconds I was standing near Ashwin.
“Hi…Divya…come …what you would like to have Tea or Coffee. Special tea or Espresso coffee. (Nowadays Cappuccino coffee in CCD’S) I myself didn’t know what happened to me when I was near Ashwin…all alone I used
to talk hours with him but when he was near me…I was a mute spectator….
“Come on…say something….I’m ordering espresso coffee hope you would like it”…he went to the counter to order…
I found a napkin on the table something was scribbled on it…it was my name written in different styles now I was sure that the fire of love was kindled at Ashwin’s end too…he was too under the same situation that I was in….Fallen in Love but still not much was exchanged within us… “US”…I was left
bewildered I was referring as US in lieu of I and him…Was this the effect of
love….I was getting romantic.
Ashwin was back with two Mugs of Hot Coffee …
beside me and I don’t know how and when we started but we were engrossed in
deep conversation…the boundaries between us had sublimed…and in seconds we seem
to be very much familiar with each other…it seemed that two friends have met
again after a decade or so and there were lots and lots to share
…talking…smiling and laughing at each other and I did not feel that Ashwin was a stranger to me….neither Ashwin took me as a stranger…we both were very much comfortable in each other’s company….there was so much to tell each other…list seemed endless…A canteen boy came to us and said that it was time for the canteen to be closed.
When I looked outside the window…I was surprised to see that the sun was about to set…
“Oh my god…I missed my classes…I will leave now Ashwin…I am already late…”
He nodded and asked my phone number…I wrote the number
on another paper napkin and gave it to him and the paper napkin on which my name was scribbled I kept it in my hand bag…I ahandbagt was noticed by Ashwin but he did not say anything.
I rushed out of the canteen in a hurry …I was already late for home and in campus, only few could be seen…my heart was thumping in my rib cage and the person near me could hear my heart beats thumping …I was
pondering and was busy in finding out a valid excuse to answer my mother’s
query for been late. For seconds, I forgot Ashwin or what we conversed…I felt
When I reached home….by god’s grace, I was spared by Mamma’s queries…She was not at home.
After getting fresh, I sat on the rocking chair in balcony deeply engrossed in thoughts of my Love which was yet to bloom.
I don’t want myself to be compared with anyone. I am an Individual and I know that I am different than others.My way of looking at things and way of perception is unique.I am as hard as coconut externally but very soft and clear from within.My way of loving and caring is different , people feel I am more demanding and not concerned about others which is contrary to my personality.I care a lot for all but way of expression is different.Don’t take my words,at times I may sound harsh but there’s reason to be harsh if I vent out my feelings ,my concern you will take me for granted which I don’t wish. My wish is to see you grow on your own and feel the difference.Peep inside me and you will find ocean of love and concern….Love you !