वादा अब्बू

“अब्बा-अब्बा” चीखती चिल्लाती अमीना मनसूर के कमरे में दाखिल हुई ।
“क्या बात है अमीना,सुबह सुबह इतना शोर शराबा क्यों?”
“मुझे आपसे एक बात पूछनी है, वादा करो, जो कहोगे,सच कहोगे।”
” अरी बात क्या है, सुबह-सुबह मुझे कटघरे में कयुँ पेश कर रही है। मैंने ऐसा क्या
किया है?”
“बोल दूँ, सोच लो बाद में मुझे कुछ न कहियो।”
“पहेलियाँ न बुझा, सीधे सीधे बोल।”
“बक्से में जो डायरी है,वह किसकी है?”
मनसुर के चेहरे का रंग अचानक से फीका पङ गया । अमीना कोने में ठिठक गयी।
“कैसी डायरी की बात कर रही है।” फूफी ने पूछी।
“मनसूर लङकी पर ध्यान दे, बङी हो रही है। कहीं ऊँच नीच न हो जाये।” फूफी बोल पङी। उनका ध्यान हर वक्त अमीना पर ही रहता ।
“बाजी, कोई बात नहीं, इसे तो मुझे परेशान करना अच्छा लगता है।” मनसूर ने बात को टाल दी।
अमीना को समझते देर न लगी कि कुछ बात तो है, उसके अब्बा फूफी की बहुत कद्र करते, आज उनकी बात को टाल गए।उसकी उत्सुकता और बढ गयी।
“क्या बात है, अब्बू।” अमीना ने मनसूर को टोका।
मनसूर ने उसे चुप रहने का इशारा किया।
———————————————————-
“चल खेत की तरफ, मैं वही आता हूँ।”
अमीना दपट्टा सर पर रख कर, कमरे से बाहर हुई ही थी , तभी फूफी की पूकार उसकी कानों में पङी।
“अमीना अमीना, कहाँ मर गयी?”
“आई फूफी।” कहते हुए अमीना फूफी के पास रसोई घर में पहुँची।
“अंगीठी पर चाय की पानी उबल रही है। जरा चाय बनाकर सबको दे आ।” अमीना के दिलो दिमाग में तो अंतरद्दंत चल रहा था, पर वह फूफी की बात टाल नहीं सकती। चाय बनाकर सबों को बाँट दिया।
“फूफी, मैं अब्बा के संग खेत पर जा रही हूँ। उनकी तबियत ठीक नहीं लग रही है। साथ के लिए जा रही हूँ।”
“ठीक है जा, पर देर न करियो।” फूफी की हिदायत की आदत से मेरी रग-रग वाकिफ थी। दौङती हुई मैं खेत पर पहूँची। अब्बू पगडंडी पर बैठे, सोच विचार में खोये हुए।
“अब्बू, क्या बात हुई। डायरी के नाम सुनते आप इतना उदास क्युँ हो गए।”
“अमीना, बात ही कुछ ऐसी है। यह दर्द सालों से मेरे अंदर दफन है। आज तुमने उस जख्म को कुरेद दिया।” मैं एकटक देखती रह गयी।
” यह बात बहुत पुरानी है। भारत-पाकिस्तान के बंटवारे की समय की बात है। करांची के पास के कस्बे में हम सब रहते थे। वही पर एक हिंदू परिवार भी रहता था। हमारी परिवार से काफी आना जाना था। वृंदा उनकी बेटी हमारी हमउम्र थी। हम दोनों साथ खेले बङे हुए। हमारे बीच में प्यार कब पनप गया, पता ही नहीं चला। भारत-पाकिस्तान के बंटवारे की घोषणा हुई और तय हुआ कि हिंदू परिवार को पाकिस्तान छोङना पङेगा। वृंदा का परिवार भारत जाने की तैयारी करने लगे। वे लोग भी खुश नहीं थे, पर मजबूरी थी। हम दोनों दिल लगा बैठे थे। इस अलगाव की बात से हम दोनों बेचैन थे। हमारा प्यार परवान चढ चुका था। अंदर ही अंदर हम सुलग रहे थे और एक दिन एकांत में हमारे कदम डगमगा गये और हम दोनों ने मर्यादा की सीमा लांघ ली। हमारी बेचैनी दिन प्रतिदिन बढती जा रही थी। वृंदा के परिवार वाले सीमा के उस पार चले गए। कुछ दिनों बाद वृंदा को पता चला कि वो माँ बनने वाली है। हम दोनों की गलती की सजा कहो या प्यार की निशानी। शुरू में तो उसने यह बात किसी को नहीं बतायी पर ज्यादा दिन छिप न सकी। घर परिवार को जब पता चला तो उसे बहुत मारा- दुतकारा गया और गर्भ गिरवाने की तैयारी की गयी। डाक्टरनी ने परिवार को समझाया कि वृंदा की जान का खतरा है। उसके परिवाले को वृंदा की परवाह नहीं थी। डाक्टरनी को वृंदा पर तरस आ गया, उसने उसको अपने घर पर पनाह दे दिया और वहीं पर वृंदा ने एक लङकी को जन्म दिया। वृंदा के कहने पर डाक्टरनी ने मुझे अपने घर पर बुलाया और बच्ची को मुझे सौंप दिया। वृंदा अपने घर चली गयी। उसके घर वाले उसकी भूल को माफ नही कर सके और उसे जलाकर मार डाला। मैं भी वृंदा के पास जाना चाहता था परन्तु हमारी निशानी हमारे पैर की बेङियाँ बन गयी।” अब्बू की सिसकियाँ तेज हो गयीं। लगा जैसै वर्षों से थमा सैलाब अपनी सीमा तोङ गया।

मैं भी गमगीन हो गयी।

“जानना चाहोगी वह लङकी कौन है, जिसे वृंदा ने जन्म दिया। अमीना, तुम हमारे प्यार की निशानी हो। वृंदा तुम्हारी माँ है। मैंने अपनी पूरी जिंदगी वृंदा के नाम और तुम्हारे लिए अकेले ही काटी। यह बात किसी को नहीं बताना नहीं तो तुम्हारा जीना दूभर हो जाएगा। घर परिवार में लोग जानते हैं कि तुम हमारे करीबी दोस्त की बेटी हो जो एक्सिडेंट में मारे गये। डायरी में जो तस्वीर है वो वृंदा की हैं। उन यादों और तुम्हारे साथ मेरी जिंदगी की डोर बँधी हुई है।” मैं ठगी सी अब्बू के दर्द को भाँपने की कोशिश कर रही थी।
” अमीना, इसकी जिक्र किसी से न करना ना ही कभी यह भूल दोहराना। वादा करो” अब्बू ने मुझसे कहा, आँखों में अनेक उम्मीद संजोए हुए।
” वादा अब्बू ” मैंने कहा।
सूरज की किरणाें का तापमान बढ चुका था,हम दोनों घर की ओर चल पङे।
© Ila Varma 26/10/2015  

When Ignorance Was Bliss

Boys playing with paper boat
 
 
 
The Drops of Rain
On my window Sill
Takes me down the Memory lanes
Of Childhood.
 
The days of Innocence
The days of Fun
Watching Paper boats snaking down the drains
Wading in knee-deep drain water
Dauntless of Leeches & Snakes.
 
Life was Carefree
Nothing to Bother
When Ignorance
Was Bliss To Falter?
© Ila Varma 2015
 
 
                                            

Only Fun & No Care


Baby plying Paper Boat

The Drops of Water

Trickling Down from Heaven

Floods Me with Marvelous Memories
Of the Days of Kinder Care.
 
 
Sailing Paper Boats in the Gushing
Waters of Rain
Clapping & jumping on our
toes
Giving a tickling all over.
 
Hovering Over the Water Drains
With a Fishing Pipe
Filled with Feeling of Woo & Triumph
Even if a Single Tiny Fish Caught
Forgetting the Hours
We stood Perspiring In the Sun
 
Waded in Knee Deep Water
Forgetting the Dirt It Carried Along
Such Was the Days of Childhood
Only Fun & No Care.

© Ila Varma 2015

ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD


We have been hearing this adage, “All That Glitters Is Not Gold” since
time immemorial & it’s very true in its own context. We get attracted by
one’s appearance but what appears to be beautiful may not be beautiful always so we need an eye to introspect & judge its intrinsic value but it’s the
human psychology that the looks appeal us more than the quality be it an
article or object or people & we run after the appearance overlooking its
intrinsic value. The impact of appeal is more and many times we adjudge a
person or a thing with its external appearance.
As I navigate down the memory lanes during school days, an incident props up in front of my eyes which is very convincing for this adage. When I was in school, I had a friend Vinita. She was very close to me. Whenever I visited
her house, the way the house was managed attracted me a lot. The things were in order, clean and well maintained. I used to envy. We had a joint family with near about 15-20 members, indeed a very big family, three generations staying under the same roof. Due to a generation gap, the living style was unique of each member of our family. All contributed in household work, so there was less botheration on the head of the family, unlike today’s nuclear families where the burden of each and everything hangs on the head of the family. But I couldn’t dream of a well-maintained house, cleanliness was in abundance but the things weren’t arranged in order. Many times, I wished that maybe someday my house is too kept in order as Vinita’s but it seemed a far-fetched dream.
Once I had an opportunity to stay at Vinita’s house due to some ill happenings in my family and all went to our native place, I had to stay back due to final exams. I was very happy to stay at her place, my dream home. But in a day or two, I found it very difficult to adjust to her place. There were fixed set of rules
and all members had to follow & at my place, no rules were defined. So I
found it too bothering. Before starting for the school, it was mandatory for
all to arrange their beds in order. On return, all had to carry their shoes in
hand and place it on the shoe rack. Till the cleaning of the house, none were
allowed to enter the house. There were too many bindings, I felt
suffocated.
At that time, I realized that I never ever regarded my mother, aunt or granny for the pain that they took to run the house with so many people all having
different mindsets. I was attracted to the house of Vinita but after
staying there I realized that the freedom to live casual was missing and all
were on toes to keep the house in order or to avoid confrontations with her Mom unlike at my house where we breathed freely & lived a carefree life.
The heart was filled with love and regard for the women folks of my family who gave their best in running the house and never ever got irritated over the music that we children created, free to eat anywhere inside the house, throw clothes and shoes in different corners of the house etc. But we were never charged rather in the morning, we got our things proper place.
I realized my mistake, it was the impact of external appearance which appealed me the most & I find this adage very apt, “ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD”
 

It’s my own feeling so guys don’t get offended, sorry if you feel offended.

 

© Ila Varma 2015


Source:here

(more…)

THOSE 21 DAYS OF MY LIFE

I had just stepped in my sweet sixteen & I was noticed by someone, a complete stranger whom I didn’t recognize …but whenever I stepped out of the house for school or went on the roof, I marked a tall lanky guy’s gaze following me. I felt nervous as well as self-conscious. He had marked my school timings as well as evening timings when we all friends would gather on the rooftop. Most of the time, I found him. In beginning, I thought it might be coincidence but gradually I did understand that he was purposely there but he was a sober guy & never marked comments, just watched me from the corners of his eyes. When I met his gaze, I felt uncomfortable & more self-conscious. It continued for a few weeks, by then he had gathered some courage & had started waving hands whenever he spotted me.
 
 
 
 
Now I was pretty sure that his eyes frantically searched me & he waited for me. There was a marked age difference between us, I was in the tenth standard & he was in final year of PG…a remarkable difference…I was on the verge of leaving the school & he was ready to enter into the world of realities, at this tender age, I wasn’t sure what his gaze or signals meant. I did not have the courage to respond but gradually I too felt a liking for him…his tall tan handsome figure too caught my attention & my eyes too searched him. I believe he had guessed my intentions so he hid behind the railings of his terrace to catch a glimpse of me.
 
 
I started getting conscious of my looks & dresses…a tender age of sweet 16 is filled with dreams where only romance, joys & happiness exist; no place for sorrow…I was no exception…exchange of signs & signals continued for few more weeks & an unsaid bond developed between us….which gave way to visit his house, he was my neighbor & I mustered up the courage to visit his house along with my friend. At that impressionable & reckless age, when one develops liking for someone, an inevitable courage develops & we dare.
 
 
He welcomed me in his house & was quite calm & composed. I was very nervous within but maintained my composure on the front. It was a quiet intro as he knew much about me…he had the details of me…it assured me that he was interested in me. His sharp looks & personality had a charm, which drew my attention towards him & his quite composed self-attracted me more. He offered a hand of friendship & I was dumb…speechless & motionless…and my silence was taken as a token of acceptance, he came near my side & whispered, ” I want you to be my friend & I see in you more than a friend, Will you be my friend? “
 
 
 

I just smiled & left his place with my heads down. I was blushing; my cheeks felt hot & couldn’t dare to meet his eyes.

It was a totally different feeling; never ever experienced before but I mutely
developed a crush for him & I too frantically searched for him. We started
meeting each other either at my rooftop or at his place & enjoyed the company of each other. There was a gap of more than eight years but never felt the gap.
He was very friendly & he cared a lot & maintained the decorum of a
the pure relationship, never ever dared to touch me or come closer to me which developed a strong faith in him.

 
I was totally engrossed in his thoughts…romance was in the air, I was on cloud nine…would dance to the tune of songs…would hardly meet him for few minutes in a day but the rest of twenty-four hours. I sailed in his thoughts, felt his proximity around me….my small world revolved
around him & life appeared colorful & beautiful; the effect of the crush or infatuation for him.
 
It was short lived & this wonderful dream that we were weaving together lasted for only twenty-one days & my world came crashing down…crushing my dreams & I was the sole spectator of this whole wreckage which left me shattered.
 
What made him decide to leave me…I could never ever understand….the day he severed with me…he was very composed but our gazes didn’t meet…requested me to keep myself away from him as there was no future of this relationship…we couldn’t get the support of the family members due to remarkable age difference..blah blah…I couldn’t utter a single word….tears flowed incessantly & his every word pierced my heart…I
cried & cried. He wished me good luck for my future & left me once for
all.
 
I felt my knees weak & for a few couples of days…it wasn’t easy to cope up….untoward thoughts buzzed my mind leaving me restless but never ever had ill feeling for the guy, who had filled twenty-one days of my life with beautiful colors of rainbow & I had for the first time felt the ecstasy of love though it was short lived…I desired to captivate him in my thoughts for all my life but destiny had other plans for me.
 
Now I am granny of two beautiful granddaughters, but still, the memory of my first crush is intact in my memory & whenever I travel down in the reminiscences, I feel wonderful & still I don’t harbor any grudge for him but holds respect for him. At that tender age, he colored my life with varied hues of his love & care & never ever he hurt me in anyway.
 
 I never ever met that person in my life….but now somewhere I feel that he deliberately broke with me because we belonged to different sections of society & in the eighties, society didn’t approve of it. It was next to impossible to get the acceptance & he was matured enough to understand the facts of life which I was ignorant of, he left me for my betterment…so he was truly my well-wisher & didn’t wish to see me suffer….his early realization saved me from getting insane in his thoughts…though at that stage I felt I was the loser.

 

I don’t know where he is…I have deep regards for him & a soft corner do exist within me, but this never marred my relationship with my hubby or my family members…I was successful in delivering my relationship.

MAY GOD BLESS YOU!

 
 
 
 

दिल ने कुछ कहा कुछ हमसे कुछ तुमसे

दिल ने कुछ कहा
कुछ हमसे कुछ तुमसे
हमने सुन कर मुस्कुराया
तुम गुमसुम बन बैठे ।।

हमारी मुस्कुराहट ने मचा दी तबाही
बिना बात के नासुर बन गए
क्या मेरी यही सजा थी मुस्कुराने की
मैंने तो अपनी बर्बादी पर मुस्कुराया
वो समझ बैठे मैंने उनकी खिल्ली उङा दी
मैंने तो सोचा था मेरी मुस्कुराहट
उनकी दुनिया को रंगनियों से सजा देगी
अंजाने में मैंने तो अपनी दुनिया ही उजाङ दी ।।

दिल ने कुछ कहा
कुछ हमसे कुछ तुमसे
इतनी तकल्लुफ से तो अच्छा था
पूछ लेते मुझ से मेरी मुस्कुराने का राज
गम को धुएें में उङा कर
कुछ कहकहे सुना देती
तो तुम भी मेरे संग मुस्कुरा देते
मैं भी कुछ क्षण के लिए
अपने गम को भूल कर
तुम्हारे साथ ठहाके लगा लेती।।

मेरी भी शिकन दूर हो जाती
और तुम भी मुस्कुरा देते
दूरियाँ नजदिकीयाँ में बदल जाती
और दिल तन्हां ना रहता
दिल ने कुछ कहा
कुछ हमसे कुछ तुमसे।।

 —– इला

To handle yourself, Use your head; to handle others, Use your Heart.

“To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others use your heart ” Quoted by Roosevelt drew my attention but in real life, we just do the reverse …we handle ourselves using our heart & handle others using our brains & get caught in the soup…Roosevelt must have been caught in the same situation & after the consequences, he would have realized & quoted the same.
It’s true that life gives us an opportunity to learn and we learn from our experiences; good experiences adds joys to our life & bitter ones are the lessons that we learn in a tough way but it is with us all throughout the life & the toughest lessons does not leave us…there is a scar which remains with us & it tends us not to repeat further.

Friends huggind

We come across numerous people in our life.…but few leave their footprints in our lives…in just twenty-four hours of a day, we tend to meet many faces some familiar, few new but we don’t even remember all…we don’t keep a note of all whom we meet but there are some who carve a niche in your life & you feel a strong connection with them…keeps you preoccupied…some just step into your world & make you feel that you are one of the important aspects of one’s life…promises to be at your side when you need the most & you to dig faith but the promises are not kept  & you are let down…you feel loss of words to express…emotions flow out thru your eyes & you yearn for a caring hand…but when you need the most..you don’t find it & it makes you feel that you were emotional fool caught between the words…though you tread cautiously in this world still destiny plays its part & you were destined to go thru it consciously or unconsciously….a big jolt leaves you dumb & speechless but it is true that eyes speak the truth & you crave for a warm hand holding you & this craving makes you weak…and the realization set in that the words said was mere a mixture of vowels & consonants & it didn’t carry a meaning…it was said casually & you took it seriously….life mocks at you because you dealt with your heart in lieu of mind.
We don’t listen to our mind because it shows you a naked truth but you aren’t ready to accept it & you love to see a beautifully dressed lie which captivates you & you love to tread in the world of lies which seems beautiful but its hollow from inside.

I feel we should try to tread on the words of Roosevelt, “To handle yourself, use your head; to handle others, use your heart.” & we will certainly feel or see the difference in our lives…it can be painful in the beginning…BIGGEST TRUTH OF LIFE…NO GAIN WITHOUT PAIN…even when we took birth on this earth, it wasn’t easy to come out of the womb…had to go thru the constrictions & pain to breathe a new life & the mother who gave birth had to undergo tremendous pain to bring us & she did to see her bundle of joy & her pain vanished off at the sight of a new life.

TREAD CAUTIOUSLY; LIFE ISN’T SO EASY AS IT SEEMS TO BE 🙂

KAL HO NA HO

Now 2014 is ready to bid adieu & 2015 is ready to arrive in…and in this one year time, there was tremendous twist & turn in my life…Dec.2013 started with terrific improvement in my health…and I was very happy &  thrilled to see myself regaining my gait & confidence, I could walk miles without a stop.I was amazed by the difference in me and I wanted to grab all good things in one go &  stormed out of the enclosure and in each month, I got the tickets booked to visit places of my choice…I wanted to see the world in my new avatar….where I didn’t need any help from anyone…I could manage my bags & baggage…so I felt like a bird soaring wings and reaching new heights…I took off from Mumbai with my bro-in-law & sister-in-law…visited Pune & Shirdi Sai Temple…waited in a queue for more than five hours but no discomfort…I was absolutely fine….my happiness knew no bounds…I didn’t want to look back just wanted to fulfill my desire to see the places which I have been longing to see but postponing due to health issues.

Last week of Dec.2013 & Jan.2014 I spent in Mumbai at my bro-in-laws place & the new year with my parents & sister, all my well wishers were very pleased to see the difference in me & I was on top of the world. It wasn’t my first trip to Mumbai…I am an independent entity & this time I had the freedom to roam freely without any inhibitions so visited the important temples of Mumbai & Haji Ali.

In Feb.2014, visited Ambala, Chandigarh & Shimla…..was mesmerized with the beauty of Shimla…nature did justice to this place, a small township though it is a capital city of Himachal Pradesh..we had been there two days after a snowfall…

snow covered mountains appeared magnificent…the tree tops covered with snow and the bright sun rays appeared like silver scattered all around…the trees of Deodar, Chir & Pine enveloped the area of Shimla and the temperature was near 2 degrees…the car top was covered with snow …due to time constraint couldn’t halt at Shimla …but the beauty of the place attracted me and I planned to visit Shimla in next winter with a plan to wander on snow & enjoy the beauty far away from the maddening crowd.

The Pinjore garden too was a lovely place…planned garden & lighting in the evening was a sight to watch.

With each month passing, I was improving & I thanked the god profusely for blessing me with good health & vigour…full of life & ready to conquer. I forgot my past health issues & I got myself engrossed in all the things which had been kept incomplete & managed the whole house on my own that too in a tidy way which paid maids can’t do.

Never knew that it was short lived & I couldn’t enjoy long….gradually weakness started developing & I looked for more support.
The year 2014 started with a bang but while ending again it has made the things difficult still looking forward to covering up in 2015 and fulfill my wishes !!!

One never knows what life has in store for you to enjoy the spring of life till you can as no one knows
KAL KYA HOGA KISKO PATA

 KAL HO NA HO

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