Wednesday, September 19, 2018

Mommies Dilemma - How to Manage Early Teenagers?








Motherhood comes with a baggage of responsibilities and care. When we are blessed with a bundle of joy, our spirits are high and we feel on top of the world. To take good care of our tiny tot, we require to be good at multi-tasking, time management with a fair speed to finish off chores. As the days roll by, we find the journey of motherhood tough. We console ourselves that in a span of a few years, we will have hours of relaxation, once the kids grow up. It’s true, the physical strain lessens as the child grows but the mental anxiety starts growing as the child enters near teens.

The docile and sweet child turns violent and blurts out if scolded or pinpointed at their mistakes or coils into their cocoon and want to stay isolated.

This is the phase of the dilemma for Parents…but I insist on Mommies because Mums are more stressed by the changing behavior of their children and she tries her best to pacify things to normal.

Reasons for Behavioural Change

Physiological & Psychological Changes

Eminent changes and transformations take place within a teenager. Development of breast, an onset of periods, acne and pimples, increase in size of reproductive organs of a male child, growth of pubic hair, voice change, an onset of puberty etc., takes place in both boys and girls. The transition from childhood to early teens is cumbersome due to physical changes. The child is confused with the changes taking place in them and initially, they are not comfortable with the changes. They coil in their shells and don’t wish to talk about it or share with their parents and siblings.


Mood swings, wanting to take decisions independently, attraction towards opposite sex, sexual arousal are some of the reasons which bring adamant changes in the child who is at the threshold of teens and they prefer to stay aloof.


 With the frequent physical and psychological changes, they find tough to cope with the demands of the body and it is tough for them to maintain sync.


                                                          Source




How to Maintain the Balance

Recall your days of childhood when you were stepping into teenage and how you felt those days. Keep yourself in their shoes and handle them tactfully.

•    Never say, “I was not of this type”

You must have been more or less in the same shape and your Mom would have faced difficulty in taming you. If you say, “I was not of this type”, the child will feel humiliated and get enraged. Talk to them that you felt the same in your teens and it took time for you to adjust due to different hormonal and emotional changes. Ask them to accept the changes as it is natural transformation.

•    Be Friendly

Don’t create boundaries with the children. Play with them, watch movies and programmes with them and discuss and debate on any topic under the sun. Give them the privilege to discuss their problems, educate them about good and bad touch, sex education and to respect both the sex equally. Lend your ear and respect their views. Listen and stay calm. Be a child in the company of your child.

•    Be Polite & Firm in Your Approach

Don’t scold on the slightest pretext. Keep yourself soft and calm. Instead of pinpointing the mistakes and shouting at them, be watchful and cautious in approach. Watch their activities silently and if you find something odd in their activity, explain to them. Accept their mistakes as it is normal for a human to err and each one of us learn from trial and error. Explain to them the pros and cons of their mistakes and tell them firmly not to repeat it in future. Explaining things with the cool mind will help them to realize their folly but if you start getting stern with them, it will misfire the situation. Teenagers melt if handled with love and affection and your righteous approach can tame them.

•    Better Practice than Imposing

Being a parent, adopt all the principles, rules and regulations into practice and then ask your child to follow. This method is better for a small child too, but with teens, you first need to rectify yourself and then you can see them following. If you give sermons, they can react and can seek explanations for imposing on them. The child first school is home and gradually, they will pick up the traits that you follow. Follow positive traits if you want to see it develop in your children.

•    Accept the Changes

You cannot expect your child to be timid all way. If he questions you, don’t fret and fume. They are growing and they have the right to be assertive. Listen to them, reply to their questions and give them the space to grow.

•    Help them to Be Independent

Don’t be overprotective. Give them the independence to choose their dresses, passion, and activities. Let them follow their ambition and hobbies. If you find their aim undesirable, you should have valid explanations to validate it.

•    Trust Your Child

The children need the support and trust of their parents. Trust them but don’t go blind in love. Be caring and supportive and a mute spectator. If you find any activity annoying or wrong, explain them with patience. Don’t compel them else they will turn rebellious. Participate in their activities, befriend their friends, plan outings with their friends and invite them at home. It will help you to know them more.

•    Keep Them Engaged

Encourage to pursue their hobbies. It will help them to be engaged and won’t get surplus time to brood. Creative things attract the growing mind and they will devote 100% of their time. Hobbies help them to ignore sexual upsurges which are quite normal at their age. Give them the freedom to pursue their own hobbies, it will build their imaginative and creative powers.

All suggestions won’t work in all the children so as a parent, you require to be diligent in taming them. The teens who are at a threshold of Teens are more vulnerable and they require patience to tame them.


Your Love, Support and Silence will help them to pass this phase easily.

My Experience

While raising my children,

I never forgot my volatile days of teens and my reactions.

I became a child with them and enjoyed passing time with them.

I befriended their friend of both gender and gave them the freedom to call at home.

Never distinguished between BF & GF but warned them about the phase that all go and how to handle it sincerely.

I accompanied them on outings.

I gave them the space to grow, be independent, choose their hobbies and watched them closely and silently with a smile sailing on my face.

I was soft and firm in my approach. I stuck to my promises and never ditched them.

It was a roller coaster ride for me with lots of turbulence and finally, my silence and patience rewarded me.


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55 comments:

  1. Sending this to my friends with teenaged kids!

    Damyanti

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  2. Teenage is difficult time for children as well as parents. With hormones playing havoc, things are not easy for young ones. It is therefore imperative to keep calm and be friendly and understanding parents.

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  3. if only kids came with a manual!!!! ;-)

    Teenage is terribly terrifying for most and if parents are not sensitive enough to know what their kids are going through, it can lead to traumatic events.

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    Replies
    1. Yes....if we don't forget our days of childhood while rearing kids, it is a bit easy task.

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  4. Teenage is a tricky phase, for parents and kids alike. Your tips are sound advice. Thank you for sharing! :)

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  5. This is the time when we have to be calm and try to understand our kids, I too have written something like on this topic

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  6. Seriously you’ve given amazing tips. Its very easy to lose temper with kids but patience and understanding would certainly yield better results

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  7. Nicely described parenthood for teens :)

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  8. Still a mother of a three year old but saving this for future reference.

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    1. hahaha....keep your prepared for the tantrums

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  9. Teenagers are definitely a handful. I am father to daughter who has just reached her teens and both myself and my wife have a tough time managing her. But we really love the way she is slowly showing signs of maturity. Makes us feel proud...

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  10. This comes at a perfect time as I struggle with a pre teen child's emotional and physical changes.

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    Replies
    1. We all have done the same and now it is our turn to serve

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  11. This post is now a guideline to me as my daughter will enter teens in couple of years. Thanks for great pointers.

    Cheers
    MeenalSonal from AuraOfThoughts
    #MyFriendAlexa #MeenalSonalReads

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  12. Keeping them engaged is so important.

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  13. This post is like a guideline to all the moms having teenage kids...

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  14. Useful information, many are struggling with those situations. Thanks

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  15. Keeping the communication going. explaining rather than scolding.
    some key points you have made, I am a mother of a tween. When I see change in my son, I realize it's time to change the parenting style too.

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    1. Yes....communication, patience and dea things with ease comes handy. Thanks for stopping by.

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  16. I was a difficult to manage types. And my toddler seems like a strong willed child too. God knows what kind of teenager he will become :P

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    Replies
    1. Wait for your turn dear...sometimes, it is opposite of what you are.

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  17. Thanks Ila. Pre teens and early teens is a challenging phase for both the child and parents.
    I hope I'll be able to sail through this time with supportive behaviour. Good pointers on behaviour management.

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  18. Not only mother' but this is father's dilemma too. Very useful tips shared

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  19. It's a real challenge for both the parents. Thanks for sharing some very useful tips

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    Replies
    1. Yes....truly....Thanks for stopping by.

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  20. Thanks for sharing the tips. my cousin who is a mum of tweens must read this

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  21. Great post for all the parents to handle the teenagers

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  22. Nice informative post. Some wonderful tips.
    #MyFriendAlexa #ContemplationOfaJoker #Jokerophilia

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  23. While reading it ,I felt like a manual for teen moms. Sharing it with moms of that age group.

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  24. Your post encompasses all the parameters to be checked by moms of teens. Wonderful share. Looking forward to read more.

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  25. There are so many schools of parenting each contradicting the other...I have found what works for our family ...teenage years are the best since we HV started focusing on family core values

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  26. I totally agree with you as i am parenting two teens right now. It takes all you have mentioned and moreover it also depends on the individual temperament of the child and conscious parenting is required to keep this turbulent phase as smooth as possible. Thank you for this informative post.

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  27. I really liked your point of being polite but firm. I think it's so important to give them the space and respect that's needed while growing up and going through these scary changes.

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  28. Would vouch for every word that you said. Maintaining the balance between friend and parent is the key element here.

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  29. It's still a long way for me to become the parent of a teenager but being firm and calm and polite really made sense. Though I am not sure how it works without boundaries

    Namratha from #firstgreenstep

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  30. Nowadays kids grow fast. My daughter is in her tweenage and in a couple of years will enter teenage. I loved all the points that you have mentioned. They are going to be my guide . Thanks a lot Illa.

    #MothersGurukulreads #Myfriendalexq

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  31. Great points...guess parents never have it easy!

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