Getting engaged or ready to tie the knot gives a feeling of immense joy and happiness and the would-be couple is transported to the world of fantasy, whether it is Love or Arrange marriage.
The would-be strangers or lovebirds are hooked over the phone for long hours, incessant texting, love waiting for the call, love each other bickering, concern, been questioned, childish behavior etc…but it is limited to this honeymoon period. Once one is hitched, these things appear to be a burden and the cribbing start and both people that their freedom is breached.
I believe that it is far better to have a few discussions before entering into a lifelong commitment. Earlier people had a view that the boy or the girl would change after marriage and would readily adjust with each other and it happened. There were reasons for adjustments; joint family, supervision of elders, the couple were mentally and financially dependent on their families. With time, the concept changed and now even parents don’t feel like getting into suggestions and the young couple is at loggerheads because of their rigidity and both are not ready to accept each other views or suggestions, they take it as their independence and freedom breached.
The conversation between Love Birds
Spouse 1: Where were you for so long dear? I don’t like and get concerned.
Spouse 2: Sorry dear, it won’t be repeated again, will keep you informed if ever I get late.
Gives Feeling of care and belonging and they love the concern of each other.
After marriage, if same dialogue is exchanged. They snap at each other.
Reply of the Spouse for the same above question: Don’t intrude in my personal hemisphere, neither I am too small to be guided nor I wish to answer silly questions.
Gives feeling of freedom breached or being nagged.
To be away from these craps, better have an open discussion so that things are smoothened in the future.
Why not arrange a meeting with the would-be once they zero–in their choices and discuss the points openly…at that moment, both are free and there are no bindings…if they find each other interesting and amicable, go with it else both are free to walk in their own direction…without hampering emotions.
7 Important Conversations Before Tying the Knot
· Personal Habits
Discuss personal habits that you feel you cannot drop after marriage as habits differ of individuals. There are people who cannot accept the habits of another and they find difficult in adjustments, such as sleeping habits, snoring, boozing, personal hygiene, and chewing tobacco etc. The couple has to share room and belongings, so both should be comfortable with each other. There are people who have great aversions accepting each other habits.
· Interest in Kids & Sharing Responsibilities
There are people who love to get into marriage but not comfortable with the idea of having kids and sharing responsibilities. Discuss the take and if both of you find compatible with the idea, move on. This is a major issue and often takes an ugly turn if their ideas don’t match.
· Finances & Financial Independence
Finance is the integral point of discussion for the couples, where both are working or either one is working. Everyone has their own standard of living and spending money. Some can be conservative and some frugal, so it should be openly discussed. Assets and liabilities need to be shared before tying the knot.
In an era, where both are professionally independent, it is better to discuss how one accepts family life along with professional commitments. Both ends require ample time and devotion so take on the professional front should be discussed. Some are ready to adjust and compromise for the sake of family while the workaholic chunks give much importance to the profession. Discuss clearly and understand each other take on the subject.
· Delegation of Domestic Chores
Normally, it is taken as a women domain and most of them enjoy delivering it but in the long run, they feel exhausted. There are few who cannot adjust to this domain. Discuss your interests and be ready to help each other rather than binding to gender. Sharing responsibilities keeps the couple closer and they enjoy in delivering the duties.
· Responsibility of Parents
In spite of nuclear families, at any point of time, the matter comes into the light of taking the responsibilities of parents when they turn oil or suffer from any illness. Discuss this point because at times ideas mismatch and result in sourness in the relationship. If you have personal and financial responsibilities of parents, do share in and know each other views. Every child cannot be comfortable with the idea of old age homes and it can greatly hamper their relationships.
· Beliefs & Culture
Two people from two different families conjoin to enter into a marital chord. Few are conservative in beliefs and culture and wish to see their partner follow. Some are flexible and they don’t want to enter into the obligation of beliefs and culture. Discuss each other choices and how either can adjust, accept or can take further.
During courtship days or during the honeymoon period, the would-be couples and new couples are far from reality and they don’t feel the requirement of above-discussed points.
is a lifelong commitment and to sail smoothly do indulge in discussing the above points. If both of you find compatible at these fronts or ready to change and accept each other habits, choices and flaws…certainly go for it.
I am ready for the brickbats, I will catch them and build a new house 😂😎😎
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