When I conceived and was in a family way, I chose to be a parent, who can give child the freedom to express his emotion and my first rule would be to adhere to explain the things clearly to the child, instead of taking the path of slapping.
I became Mom, when I was waving goodbye to my late teens. I was very happy to hold my child in my arms.
I could not sum up my emotions in words, because no amount of words could suffice and express my inner happiness.
While holding M, I vowed few things; I won’t raise my hand on him, I will never scold him in moments of my anger, and will habituate him to eat all that is offered in his plate.
There were valid reasons behind these vows and I had learnt the lesson in a hard way from my life and I did not wished to repeat it in future.
Let me explain the reasons for the vows to understand what I really meant.
I was quite emotional since childhood and if I was slapped or coaxed by parents and extended family, it hurt me a lot and I used to feel bad. The feeling that sailed in my mind was, why my family don’t try to explain me coolly, when I am wrong instead of raising hand. In our time, we were raised in such an atmosphere, where questioning or reasoning with parents were not allowed, so we kept mum.
Secondly, why I vowed not to get angry with kids when I am in temper for other reasons. I was raised in a large family and my Mom had to face unlikely situations. Forty years back, DIL could not even think of answering back or making faces if scolded or remarked by elders. Not always, but there were trying moments, when we became victims of her wild temper. She felt sorry afterwards but only after we were offered on altar.
Lastly, never to encourage to become a picky eater. I was the eldest child of family and I did not eat easily. Family members allured me with my favourite food so that I could have my food. This pampering turned out to be bad for me and I survived on restricted diet of my choice. My Mom was not in a favour to encourage my habit but being raised in large joint family, she did not had much say and I got freedom to be a picky eater. When I grew up then I realized that I had to suffer during outdoor visits and literally, I used to gulp down the food which I did not prefer. In our time, we were not encouraged to speak up even if you dislike, and I know how hard it was when I visited at someone place who was not aware of my habits.
While raising my son, I had to raise hand to inculcate good habits in him and later, I realized that it wasn’t easy to spare the rod while disciplining the child. In first and second instance, I used to explain things but still if he did not co-operate, I had to break my promise to discipline him. I did raise my hand when things were out of control and I had to take care that he does not go astray from the path and I was successful in disciplining him. My big protruding eyes were enough to control him, normally.
I did stand by my two vows, never ever lost my temper on him when I was in bad mood or hurt. However tough or unfavorable situation would be, I handled them patiently and they could never judge what I was going through in the trying times.
I inculcated habit of eating everything that was offered on plate. It was not easy but I had to be strict in this term. I never cooked extra for my son. I fed him all that was cooked for everyone. In beginning, he made faces but I never bothered and gradually, he picked up the habit of eating everything that was cooked at home. This habit made him adjust in all the situations and never ever he complained. Later, he adjusted well in hostel life.
I raised my son with the experiences and lessons that I learnt from my life.
My experiences says that being Mom is a wonderful experience and a woman is full of affection for her flesh. To discipline the child, at times, she has to act as an enemy and for that she requires to be strong willed and take impartial decisions to make the life great of her child.
What was your experiences as a Mom? Did you ever face the situation that I faced or did you check your parenting style by your experiences.