Maa, I won’t Bear? #Domesticviolence


“Thud Thud…Thud” and the sobs followed.
It wasn’t a one day affair…It happened every day.
I was just Seven, so couldn’t predict what went behind the
scene but was sure that whatever went on was not justified…her sobs confirmed.
One day, I mustered courage to peep through the keyhole to know what occurred behind the doors and how everything seemed smooth after an hour or so.
The scene behind the door was fierce and I could not lay my
eyes on them….He was literally a brute.
He beat her up with his leather belt, whipping hard on her
with every strokes and she lied helpless on the floor.
He removed the sari that draped her fragile body and hit her
hard on her delicate parts.

I was shivering with fear…He is a beast…he can’t be my
I ran to my granny and told her the sequence that I watched
through. She was cool.
“It happens Baby. Your mother might have disobeyed your
“Dadi…what are you saying? Go and see, how that beast is
whipping belt on her skin.” I literally howled at her.
“It’s new for you…not for me. Your mother has leverage that
she can take few decisions…accompany your father on tour. My life was much
worst, dear…but till date, no one knows of it. I didn’t ever complain to my
Mother because her life was not better than mine. I was beaten if I disobeyed
your Baba but my Mother was confined in room for days without food if she
couldn’t manage the things on time. Baby, it’s our fate. We are born to be in
captive and it’s necessary else the girls will go astray and not accommodate
with their husbands and in-laws. She needs to be in strict guardianship before
and after marriage.” Dadi said nonchalantly.
I was sobbing hard.
“Dadi, how can you be so callous? It is not necessary that
if you were abused, my Mother should meet the same fate…You and your son both
are beasts.” I said.

A strong hand overpowered me and yelled on top of his voice.

“You need worse treatment than your mother…at this age, your
pitch is so high. What will you do after marriage? You need severe punishment.”
My father said fiercely.
The fragile hands wrapped me in her arms and requested him to
overlook my faults, giving me a chance to improve.

“Please forgive her. She is naive and innocent. I will make
her understand.” She pleaded sobbingly.

Silently, I walked to my room.

The words of my mother eroded my confidence in her. She too
believes like Dadi…she is no better.

I was only seven but these harrowing experience at home had
made me more matured than my age.

I could see my future bleak.
“Maa…instead of stopping father, you said that I will be checked.
I can’t endure these miseries. I saw today how that Man whom you call your
husband treats you. Even you shouldn’t bear…leave this house forever.”
“No, Baby…don’t say like this, now my dead body will leave
this house. Though he is cruel and wild at times but still I can’t disregard
him. Our parents taught us.” Maa said with a blank look.
Years passed but the situation remained more or less the
I was twenty now.
I had vowed that I won’t accept arranged alliance of my
parents rather will choose my life partner and talk to him over the points of
adjustments before getting hitched.

One day, my senior proposed me.
I rolled out my points and said that if he agreed then I
will go steady with him and get hitched when he comes into job.
Two years passed smoothly without any disagreements.
One day, he saw me with my class mate in market and was
ferocious over phone and said so many things which were not required.
I disconnected the line bidding him good bye forever.
I didn’t want a life like my mother and granny.
I am thirty now and waiting for a suitable alliance.

I need a man in my life but not at the cost of my self-esteem.

( The tit bits that goes around.)
Linked to A Letter To Her.

Note: Do read a copy of Meena Kandasamy’s new book, When I Hit You.

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