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I was raised in a conservative family where three generations lived under one roof so I had to handle my great grandmother, my granny, my mother, three ladies of three generations ,so you can well understand my position among these three and I had to see that all remain happy and satisfied by our behavior.

In our times, the formula they believed was, “Spare the Rod, Spoil the Child” so rod had a big role in our lives and we had a fear not to get tried on our backs so we remained dutiful n disciplined.

let me start with my great granny, whose beliefs did not match with my granny & my mom, then hum kaun khet ke mooli the.

She had a habit of discriminating between sons and daughters and she openly exercised her way with full authority.

She used to pour ghee in the son’s lunch n dinner, used to give them sweets and special dishes they loved and the females were scorned at and even she gave a dealing to the unmarried ones to behave properly as tum sab ko doosre ke ghar jaana hai, baap ki pagdi naa uchalnaa.

In my early childhood days, I literally understood that she had a habit of discriminating but other formula was difficult to decipher, now I understand fully n recalling those incidents, we laugh out.

Now we laugh because she is no more but in those times, it must have been difficult for the elder females of the family…bua’s of the family to digest her words or discriminating habit.

Discrimination is still there and I feel pity for the young soul who are themselves daughter and they vouch for sons forgetting their own existence as a woman; Seeing the woman of today, I forgive her from the bottom of my heart because she was of 19th century and now in 21srt century, discrimination still exists though it has come down drastically but not disappeared.

She had one more habit of watching the features of girls…male members were spared and there was one proverb to justify men’s existence with unshapely nose, eye or stature.

It went out as, “Ghee Ka Laddoo Tedho Bhalaa!”

Hope some might have heard from the old ladies of the family.

The daughters of the family should be beautiful, how she concluded, I couldn’t understand and at times, I questioned her, “Father mother jaisa hi bachcha hoga naa.”

Bus mera itna kehna and she was on fire.

Once my cousin sister had come to our place and I found her looks okay but my Great granny wasn’t happy with her looks and complexion.

Her outright remark was, “Rang bhi kam hain aur nain naksha bhi teekhe nahin” At that time, I was in my early teens and I couldn’t stand her remarks and I snapped her sharply without thinking of the outcome of blurting out, in those days, keeping opinion or replying back to seniors came under the bracket of serious offence.

I blurted out, “Daadi, your nose is not so prominent still you point out to others.”

Mera itna kahna and the whole house was toppled. She got very angry and remained on hunger strike for the whole day waiting for my grandfather and father to come from office.

My granny & mommy both were seriously angry with me even I got few slaps from my Mom for replying back.

When both the male members arrived, they were summoned in her so called office and she described the incidents and added that if you don’t control this girl now, be ready to face the consequences.

At that moment, I had to face the consequences and had to ask her for forgiveness.

There was rigid rules and regulations in our home but still we at times freaked out, sometimes we were caught, sometimes not. It all depended on our luck.

There are thousands of incidents, slowly will unfold the interesting encounters.


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  • Thanks for sharing about your upbringing. Honestly, I find it sad when children are not encouraged to speak their minds and not given proper answers. It happens in several Indian families and mine was no different. The issue is very little has changed with the patriarch way of imposing.

  • There is nothing to be sad about it, rather upbringing in a large family instilled in me patience, perseverance, discipline & power of forgiving others. My great granny was of 19th century so she scorned at females, sad part is till today the mothers don't want to have daughters, that is the sad part. I was lucky that my granny n mother never despised us. 🙂

  • It was the way they were raised and made to believe a girl should be raised, wasn't it? They could not envision a world where men and women would be treated equally or have a right to be frank. Sadly, we still have a long way to go ourselves.

  • yes…but in 21st century few mindsets are the same like 19th century. In joint family, one is more strong mentally n has the ability to tackle situations of best or odds.

  • Ghee Ka Laddoo Tedho Bhalaa…hahaha…never heard this one before. it's actually very funny… 😛
    Well, old ladies are like that, even my maternal used to look at me and say ki agar iski jagah ladka hota toh kitna chcha hota..I guess it was all inscribed in their mind, right from childhood…the society made them so, can't judge them. 🙁

  • *maternal grandmother and *achcha(instead of chcha)…sorry!! too many typos. 🙁

  • Ask your granny about Ghee ka laddoo, she will explain. They were simple n less educated but what abt the ladies of current generation

  • Sadly none of my grandparents are alive now. 🙁
    With education and modernisation society is bound to change. It would take some time though. Patriarchy is still rampant in our society. It's a long struggle.

  • Told so well… Yes, we are all products of the times we lived and grew up in.Thanks for sharing.

  • There are so many such incidents in our life if we recall..glad you wrote about it 🙂

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