Sunday, August 17, 2014


I was on the verge of completing Masters, few months were left for the courses to complete & clear my Post graduation & I was in a search of senior under whom I could carry out my project. I vowed to myself to concentrate more on my subjects so that I qualify with distinctions. Gradually, I comforted myself in a routine of college going girl whose priority was to do well in subjects.
 Religiously Ashwin visited my place after office & we spent evenings together. He had become fan of my hot beverage prepared by me especially for Ashwin. I was trying to improve my skills in kitchen,
As adage goes, “the way to a man's heart is through his stomach”,
I wasn't much sure how much truth it had but still believed…beliefs are followed and not challenged so I too followed religiously. In Love, One can go to any extent & that proves love for each other where you follow your heart and don't let your mind question, I was sailing in the same boat. The evenings were enjoyable, he had full pack of things to share with me, his new job and assignments & how he was faring, he enjoyed sharing and there was a purpose too, as I was of the same field so his account of experiences would help me in my future job & the most important thing was that we enjoyed each other’s company and wanted excuse to spend maximum time together.
Mom had always supported me and now after Pa’s nod, she was more relaxed, so there were no restrictions & the terrace, isolated corner of the house was the favorite place of ours to dwell in conversations for hours. After college, I spent an hour or so in getting ready in my favorite dresses and off and on would dance near the mirror judging myself, my looks, my hair do…..& numerous things  & as the motorcycle stopped in the portico, my heart beats paced high & I started blushing….
Ashwin had noticed the changes; his smile on the lips & his expressive big eyes conveyed all which remained unsaid between us. As the sun went down to set for the day & darkness enveloped the sky. …changing colors from sky blue to orange & royal blue & birds flew back to their nests & kids after playing retreated for their homes, we inched closer & I could feel his breath on my skin & soothing odor of his body which soothed my senses & he felt the same or more than me wasn't expressed between us. He held my hand between his long fingers for few seconds in between our courtship & wouldn’t hold for longer, I feel he didn't feel comfortable too; it was not that he disliked but the flow of emotions was uncontrollable & it was normal for a normal young guy.

As I can recall, it was an evening of month July the peak monsoon season, the dark clouds hovered in the sky & we couldn't make out when sun went down, dark smoky clouds enveloped the sky and lightning illuminated the clouds, As usual, we too were on the terrace busy in our own world of romance, when rain drenched us we didn't notice, all of a sudden there was heavy outburst of rain, till we realized we both were drenched completely.

I was unable to understand what to do next, if I go downstairs in this attire then it will be questionable because none will believe that we were not aware of the rains till we were drenched, it will not be a valid excuse to be excused anyhow I gathered myself to stand.

Ashwin caught hold of my hand, this time his grip was hard and I felt the pain in my wrist. I sensed the change in him but couldn't make out the reason for change, I wanted to get myself free from his grip but he didn't let me go.

 “Oh leave me Ashwin, what are you doing.."

“No No No,.." he said firmly, his voice modulation too was changed & I felt his heartbeats closer.
He inched closer to me, his toned body showed under his wet white shirt, and his chest  full of hairs, drops dripping from his forehead to his nose & cheeks and it fell on my face & body, I felt the drops hot over my skin. The changed attitude of Ashwin had alerted me but as he inched closer, my lips were locked & I couldn't say a word. He held me close adjacent to the walls & pressed himself on me & I was feeling weak & lifeless but I felt the hardness of his body but after few minutes, he released me with a peck on my cheek, forehead…& I too melted inside.

For the first time in the courtship of so many years, I had observed the radical change in him & I feel the rain was responsible for his changed behavior, as we were able to see each other’s body peeping out of wet clothes & a normal guy can’t control. Without saying a single word or looking back, he hurriedly ran down the stairs & raced his bike.

Slowly, I went downstairs in my room to change or to observe myself in the mirror. I bolted from inside & straightaway I stood in front of mirror, I was feeling numb from inside but there was a glow on my face which anybody could make out the changes ...& the reason behind it…& my head spin ned when I looked at myself in the mirror…the wet clothes stuck on my body and defined my contours and that was the reason that such a matured guy lost control & anybody could, even saints would have tough time. I held myself responsible for this though I never admitted on the face of Ashwin. I wanted to kiss the places where he had touched me & didn't wish to change, I felt the odor of his body within me which comforted my senses, I didn't want to change  but had to else what would I explain to others.

I stood under the shower and took a warm water bath to ease myself and sprinkled eau de cologne on myself. After changing, I went into the kitchen to get hot coffee for myself, there was pin drop silence in the house, I looked for Mom but luckily she wasn't there in the house. She had been to market for daily shopping & these days she didn’t disturbed me when I was with Ashwin. I waited for Mom in the living room resting on the sofa; it was dark outside because of dark clouds which appeared to be ready to burst anytime again. It appeared as if there would be heavy rain throughout the night, deep silence outside. The telephone bell rang, I hurriedly leaped out to pick up the call, there was silence at the other end…twice I said hello but when no one spoke, I too stood still with the receiver waiting for the caller to say something….I was certain that Ashwin was on the other side of line…after few seconds, he sighed & I did the same at this end.

“I love you Dear’, he said numerous times, I stood motionless hearing his voice which sent butterflies in my stomach but I kept quiet. After that he said that he won't be coming regular to meet me, we need a break else we might end up in difficult situation & we should be under limitations till we are hitched, it can happen that we lose control in isolation, it’s quite obvious for a normal man & “we are normal..”, he said stressing normal.

I didn't say a word, I knew he was more matured than me and I agreed fully with his views, he knew the limitations but my heart was not ready to accept that we won't be meeting regularly but I kept quiet and kept my mind busy in chalking out the plans to meet him on daily basis but instantly no plans came to my mind so I refrained from commenting & he told me that he would give hours on phone to talk over, being the safest medium to control ourselves.. Respect & love for him grew manifold within me. How lucky I am to have such a guy in my life, whose thoughts are commendable unlike the youngsters of today (most of them, not all) who are more inclined to satiate their needs instead of maintaining the sanctity of relationships.
There was a mixed feeling for the evening of today, experienced new dimensions of love life which heart had accepted but mind objected and the inner conscience alerted not to proceed further & I believe Ashwin had felt the same which compelled to decide not to mingle in isolation and we both been students of Psychology understood much better the activities & could read in between the lines which would be difficult for others. People in love listen to their heart & ignores conscience but we too been in behavioral science could not ignore….

Mom came back late in the evening with  fully loaded colorful packets, few filled up with daily needs & others were full of clothes & accessories…marketing for the marriage had taken up…it was an important occasion for her…her “Aankhon ka tara” had grown & was eligible for marriage…it’s a dream of every mom…she sees for her daughter & eagerly waits for the Day, though it is not easy for the mothers to part with her flesh  but this tradition goes on since time immemorial & all Moms are ready for the occasion & put in their best & she aspires to fulfill their wishes which remained unfulfilled in her time & was chasing her in her dreams.
She enquired about Ashwin & I lied that he left before rains & told her that I drenched myself in rains & enjoyed thoroughly…
She came near me & caressing my hairs said in a naughty tone
“Baby, you are going crazy….”
I hugged her in my arms & kissed her many times which was suppressed inside me from the time I got drenched with Ashwin
“Oh,…you are getting naughty…” she shrugged me aside & I couldn't say anything, just passed a smile but I'm sure one can’t evade the eyes of a Mother who reads all but express only what is important….
That’s why, it is said,
“God could not be everywhere and therefore he made mothers.…..”
And now I firmly believe.

to be continued..... 

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