Tuesday, July 25, 2017

How to Conquer Anger? #MMM #AngerManagement #Moms


Source: here



I could not compete with the timings of Monday Mommy Moments and could not write on time due to other commitments but still I wished to write on this topic...Anger Management for Moms.

Here is my take on this topic.



Been sensitive, I don’t believe in yelling at children. I know how it hurts so I never went to the extent of yelling or going mad with anger while raising my kids.

From the very beginning of my life, I am cool with kids and old but all hell break loose on adults…the reason that I sort out is that what kids do, they do in innocence but adults deliberately indulge, so I lose patience with grown-ups…though to some extent, I have managed controlling.


I had great share of anger outbursts in my childhood days and I had promised that I won’t commit the same mistake with my kids.

And the day came, when I conceived and my happiness knew no bounds and I got busy with the preparations to welcome my bundle of joy and finally, the day arrived when I was holding my flesh in my hand…and the feeling was surreal and no words can suffice to express my feelings.

I kissed him on his forehead and promised to him that you will never be a victim of my anger and I will try my best to explain the things when you are wrong, avoiding yelling at you to get rid of my frustrations.

I believe that the kids are fragile and we need to handle with care.

His arrival in my life made me responsible and patient and I knitted numerous dreams and all revolved around him…though as a wife…I justified my presence…so I was successful in managing the both ends and both were Happy.

Their happiness was my happiness and I felt contended.


Soon, I was Mom of two cute boys and my patience while raising them proved to be a wonder. They turned out to be well-behaved kids. It doesn’t mean that they were not into mischief, they were but within the purview of limits or you can say that my No reaction on their mischief treaty helped them to be docile.

The kids are smarter than Moms. When they find their Moms losing their temper, then they deliberately involve themselves in mischief to enjoy the tantrums of Mama…it’s my perception.
After finishing their chores, I used to sit with them n let them play with their toys and puzzles and never went eccentric even when they messed around, just watched them in silence that they don’t hurt themselves hard…rest I hardly cared…Over caring too poses issues.

The early years were very relaxed but when they entered in primary school, an unknown pressure built within me and I started losing my temper at slightest pretext and they poor were victims of my wrath.

One fine day, I pondered over the situation and discovered that sub-consciously, pressure was building that they study well and do well…so, I was becoming over-ambitious. I stopped myself then and there…checked my outbursts.

But there were instances where I had to do drama of been angry to control their tantrums in their growing stage and it worked out…I never yelled much rather explained them in their context to discipline them and my silence worked in moulding them.

They too are my flesh and they  abhor yelling and been spanked.

Few times, I spanked them when they were really at fault and need to be corrected.

They were able to assess for what my anger built up and they learnt how to avoid those instances…so our co-ordination was perfect…I was their sole guardian while raising them and there was no interference from my husband’s side…while I scolded them or checked them…It proved to be a liberty.

Normally, I see that while checking kids, the couple get at loggerheads and their views on disciplining differs and this difference is taken as advantage by the children, who are not at an age to judge, rather they get hooked to the person, who is liberal and encourages even when he is wrong.
I never spanked or yelled at them in frustration or in mood swings.

Where they need to be reformed, I never backed out, I was there to correct them.

I wish to share my suggestion.

Many times, it happens that if we are in good mood and the kid has done seriously something wrong, we overlook them in our fun time…and if we are in bad mood and the kid is demanding something genuine, we spoil the play because of our anger outbursts…and the innocent has to face the music.
This mood swings of Mom’s blots the kids for no fault of theirs.

Remember a golden rule, however good mood you are in and your ward needs to be corrected, don’t back out, then n there pin point their mistake and ask them to correct sternly…and never make them victim of your mood swings.


Give them a chance to distinguish between Right and Wrong.

My silence played wonders in raising them…now they are grown-ups individuals and now if they deliberately go out of way, I yell at them on top of my voice. They frown at me but never reply back rather when I am cool they explain me patiently.

I request the existing Moms and would be Moms to work on patience and anger management and always, remember your childhood days, it will be convenient to tackle your kidoos.

Silence speaks more than yelling.

Whenever, you feel like yelling, start backward counting and by the time you will finish the count, your anger will diminish.

Advantages of Not Yelling:

You will be happy and your family will be happy.

Kids will be friendly with you and will share their secrets.

Your saved energy will kindle your Creativity.

Kids will grow into mature adults and will know how to handle adversities.

Kids won’t learn to bicker or retaliate.

Many will say, it is easy to say than to be done. I too agree but we can at least try for the sake of our children.

The image of a Mom is loving and caring then why to spoil the image by yelling and getting angry on slightest pretext.

What is Anger?

It is a bottled up frustration and when one gets a chance, they explode hurting themselves and others.

I am quite impressed by the words of Lord Buddha which runs as under and this quote proved magical for me and it helped to master control on my pangs of anger.

Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.
               

Linked with #MMM.



8 comments:

  1. It's quite rare I read about people managing their anger like you did. It's an insightful read. I think now I will behave in a different way while handling few situations.

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    1. Thanks...yes working out on anger is a must. It soothes the environment where you stay. I do get angry n still do drama of getting angry to handle situations but I take care that I don't hurt myself in the process.

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  2. I am not a mom yet. But I always feel as if my temper is very bad esp with kids. I never had the patience to tolerate their tantrums or the naughtiness. I should definitely work on my anger issues.

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    1. Start practicing...just sit n brood, do u like been victim of your parents anger?

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  3. Yelling is never the solution-- I'm not a mom, but I know how hard not yelling is, how much patience and perseverance it takes to parent without falling in the anger trap.

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    1. Yes Damyanti....but one needs to check out.

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  4. Loved the Lord Budhha quote and will always remember it

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  5. These are some great tips to manage anger. As a mom, I think every parent is learning and growing with the child and anger management is an important part of that learning.

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