Today, I was feeling low and wanted to flip the pages of time when I was my real self without any artificial enamors and true to myself.
I parked my car near by the park and strolled inside. The sunny afternoon of winters was soothing and I took a seat under the tree, the sun-rays filtering through the branches were comforting my senses and I felt at ease.
I went into the state of flash back and stopped at my sweet sixteen phase, for which each teenager strives to reach and the movies show the crushes and infatuations and romantic aura at 16 and every teenager dreams of it. I too was in the same line, waiting to attain sweetness in my life at the sweet age of 16.
As I grew up, my skin glowed, my crowning glory was in full glory and there was immense radiance on my face. I too was puzzled to see myself in mirror. I had changed a lot for good and my mother eyes were on me with a feeling of pride for my emerging beauty and a fear gripped her seeing her princess spinning into young nymph. I could sense her fear though I did not understand why she was growing so possessive of me.
My body curves got prominent and accentuated at right places and I gradually grew conscious of my body and at times, I had to be conscious to carry myself and especially in rowdy crowd, it was difficult for me.
I was in my final board of Tenth and I had devoted myself to study but I secretly dreamt to be a singer and wanted to pursue Fine arts but my parents were reluctant because they did not see future of these subjects. They had the concept that the traditional education can only give comfortable future. I tried hard to convince them but I failed in my approach. I wasn’t daring to stand against them or retaliate, so with heavy heart, I accepted their opinion. I shelved my passion with a secret thought that I would pursue music in coming future but never knew that a dreamer lives forever and a thinker dies soon. My thought did not die but I murdered with my own hands supported by time factor.
Sweet sixteen enters with beauty but it has its hiccups too, reality is very harsh at times. The pimples are the woes of a nymph, she abhors but pimples adore nymphs and tries hard on beautiful faces to fade their beauty. These pimples added misery to my life and I hated to go on outings or party with pimples on.
As you grow beautiful, parents go berserk and are ready to guard you all time and barge deliberately in your loneliness and they did the same, at times, I grew impatient and rowdy. It is the age where you need to handle many emotions and different pressures of life and the fantasy and the dreams tears you apart from reality.
The pressure of exams, peer pressure to look better and the pressures of parents to be in right frame just kicked me out of the required format…it was tough.
It is more about balancing the act but it’s not easy to handle.
The idol worship is intense at this age and the eyes that notices becomes the cynosure of eyes and I was no exception. I loved to be noticed but never accepted.
The crush on AB was unparalleled and I was crazy for him and I felt my beats racing when I watched him in movies.
The mood swings limited my interactions with family members and I insulated myself from others when I dislike their views.
Today, I am at rim of 45 plus and have seen life closely from all quarters and Dear Sweet 16, I want to tell you that it was the best part of your life where you had the support of your parents n siblings to handle you when you stumbled and they were always there to patiently bear your tantrums. In those days, Board exam looked scary but after walking miles and miles on the topsy curvy lane of life, I feel like laughing loud at my innocence, it was nothing compared to tough things that one faces in life and can’t even express.
The fear the parents had about us were genuine as I feel now for my daughter.
I can’t go back into the time so I will fulfill my ambition through my daughter if she really wish to take fine arts as her career and will readily help her to pursue her passion. The things that I left incomplete will be completed by my daughter, I see a mirror image of myself in my daughter. She is going to complete Sweet 16 next year and I am waiting eagerly for the day with pride and fear. Time changes, people change but few things remains the same.