Sunday, May 31, 2015

दो कदम तुम भी चलो....Day IV

दो कदम तुम भी चलो

दो कदम हम भी चलें ।।......


"Hello, how are you Ishi?" my Mom was on the line.

"Fine are you all?" I inquired.

"We are ok, are u took long to pick the call u ok beta." She asked anxiously.

"No...Mumma...nothing of that sort...Ur beta is absolutely fine, no need to is second Saturday off...will sleep longer."

"Ok...will talk later...take rest...on working days you don't get time to sleep late, bye? Love u"

"Bye u dear." hung up the line.

It was 6:15 am & I could sleep longer so I didn't come out of bed....I loved sleeping in the morning hours...the morning cool breeze soothed me from within but on working days, it wasn't possible to enjoy the cool cool breeze.

Again ring on the mobile broke my deep slumber, I hurriedly woke up. Aww...It was 10:30 am...


"Hi Dear Ishi..." Ishmeet was on the line

"Hi Ishmeet...hope all is fine....calling so early" I said.

“Early. It’s not early early bird, its 10:30. Are you day dreaming? He said teasingly.

"Yeah...yeah but today I have off so I don't care to check time. I was just relaxing. No tension in weekends." I replied coolly, I didn't wish him to know that I was sleeping till this time of the hour so tried to pacify.

"Are we meeting today?" Ishmeet asked bluntly.

"Not yet decided, did we discuss yesterday to meet? I don't think so, we did. Let me think over?" I said been sarcastic, testing his patience, I knew it wasn't fair from my part but we girls are like that. We run after mirage but doubt the real people & I was doing the same thing & was enjoying the thrill.

"No thinking over, you have thought a lot, just listen you are coming to Barista CP by 4 pm today, no excuses...Bye." said disconnecting the line.

I was taken aback, how can he ask me so confidently or command me within such a short span of time & be sure that I will be there...

Many queries emerged abruptly...

Why was he so adamant to meet me?

Was he trying to be dominant?

I had a habit of reasoning and I tried to reconcile our conversations & concluded that Ishmeet was a nice guy and because I was taking lot of time in deciding, he took this way & he didn't wish to lose the opportunity as in working days, it wasn't possible to meet with ease.

I too wished to meet him & today I was already late in finishing my daily chores. I hurriedly finished my daily chores of cleaning, washing and home decor & today I needed ample time to groom myself to meet my new found friend who was dear to me & I desired to look special today.

My wardrobe was full of dresses but couldn't make my mind what to wear for the this quorum of deciding I took more than an hour expertise of taking decision in haste seemed to disappear today...I pinched several times whether I was the same Ishi who is famous for taking hasty decisions...where I had landed the World of Dreams Chasing My Prince of My Dream.

Throughout the day off & on, I was checking my mobile for call or Sms...But no call or Sms till I left my place for Barista Cafe. I didn't take Metro route instead I took a taxi to reach the fixed destination.

I reached Barista on time but no sign of Ishmeet. I searched hither & thither and then took a seat inside. I felt bit low, was he trying to fool me & many untoward thoughts cropped up but still deep inside there was a feeling that he will come...with the conviction he had said , he won't let me down.

"तुम मिले तो लम्हे थम गये, तुम मिले तो सारे गम गये, तुम मिले तो मुस्कुराना आ गया...
तुम मिले तो जादू छा गया, तुम मिले तो जीना आ गया, तुम मिले तो मैने पाया है खुदा" 

music playing in the background soothed the turmoil inside me...

Suddenly, I felt a tap on my shoulder....sending shivers throughout with this unfamiliar touch. I turned my head back...there Ishmeet was standing with a broad smile spread across his face....a tall figure was standing in front of me clad in a T-shirt & Denims.

"Hi Ishi.You are looking awesome" He squeezed my hands softly, a touch of him just made me shiver, I was speechless. The way his gaze followed...I was merely dumb.

To be continued….

© Ila Varma 2015
                                                                       Image Source: Google

Saturday, May 30, 2015


  Immature love says: 

                       ‘I love you because I need you.’

                                                                       Image Source: Google


        Mature love says:

                      ‘I need you because I love you.’

                                                                                           Image Source: Google

Thursday, May 28, 2015

दो कदम तुम भी चलो....Day III

दो कदम तुम भी चलो

दो कदम हम भी चलें ।।......

In just two unplanned meetings, we couldn't judge each other’s feelings but there was a charm in his demeanor which had caught my attention & I eagerly waited for him. Why, l didn't know...

I had noted down his number & wished to talk but something was stopping me from taking the initiative. Ishmeet didn't have my number so he couldn't reach me & I had the no.but certain inhibitions were not letting me to step forward...but I had to take the way out. After much brooding, an idea struck me.

I text ed my no.& soon my mobile rang displaying his heart beats raced faster & felt goose bumps all over.


“Hello...hi Ishi. How are you dear?”...he said

"Fine & you..." I replied

"Took long to give a call, seem busy. I was desperately waiting for your call. I shared my no. but you didn't take time...u believes in EMI'S...what u say...” He laughed.

was it sarcasm or mocking or just a tease...tough to make out but the words which he addressed was taken in note by me, "dear and desperate"

"Is he really interested in me."...this haunted me but was very early to conclude & I was in no mood to hurry...better to wait. But this mind or conscience says but the matter of heart is is not decisive or logical...doesn't know to reason...just knows to beat making you impatient...&basket of expectations....inflating...keeping you on toes...only knows to take chances...the best part of losing your heart is it keeps you happy to the core and adds glow to your persona which is not missed by this is the first step of love...deep crush which crushes your soul emitting fragrance of sweet puppy love.

“Hmmm...You can say so...b'coz I acted the way but Ishmeet...first time it was intentional but I missed it in second chance when we met by chance..." I replied softly unlike my persona who is a dominant self but this leap was taken by heart.

"Can we meet” He asked 

"We have already met” I said it was my chance.

"We met accidentally but now I want to meet you...planned one...or can I put it this way...are you coming with me on a date...I feel that sounds better" He said in a calm tone.

I wished but I wished to keep him waiting...testing him...we girls love to keep the boys waiting...this wasn't me; this was my false pride to test his eagerness.

"Ok, I will see" I replied in a cold tone.
He asked me to join on hangout to chat...I feel my cold response put him off over mobile.

I never liked chatting on Fb or Hangout but my eagerness drove me. In late evenings, we talked on hangout...and there were more exchanges...more of leg pulling...kidding...sometimes I felt like a child has emerged in me...enjoying the moments childishly.
He ran a Dance Institute in was a prominent one...and he was more conversant in Salsa...and I was interested in fine arts & I didn’t want to waste this opportunity which had come to me uninvited & it would be a better way to meet each other to understand…I had not conveyed to Ishmeet but it was there in back of my mind…engrossed in his thoughts when I slept I didn’t know but a ring at 6 am disturbed my slumber


To be continued….

                                                         Image Source: Tumblr

Monday, May 25, 2015


"One of the best feelings in the world is knowing 

               your presence and absence both mean 

                       something to someone."

Friday, May 22, 2015

Thursday, May 21, 2015

दो कदम तुम भी चलो....Day II

दो कदम तुम भी चलो
दो कदम हम भी चलें ।।......

While returning from office, I tried to search Ishmeet at Metro station or in Metro but couldn't locate him. His face was revolving in front of my eyes. I was feeling sorry to have reciprocated rudely. Normally , I'm very friendly in my circles be it official or personal but still avoid interactions with strangers, the stories unveiled by the media of the way men treat girls or women stops one to interact or trust , though all Men or boys are not like that but how to differentiate, better tread on safe side.

There was something in Ishmeet which had left me restless, but it was difficult to find about his whereabouts so I left in the hands of Almighty & if we are destined to meet then certainly one day we will...& I consoled myself to be in my senses. After finishing my routine chores, I started for my office, but not like other days, today, I watched myself in mirror several times taking care of my dress that I wore & my hairstyle etc.

As I stepped inside Metro, I saw him seated near the window seat engrossed in a magazine. My heart raced faster & I wanted to shout out his name to attract his attention but checked myself else I would have been center of attraction in public...though we boast of our advancements but still our society is conservative in respect of relationships of boys & girls...anyhow, I crossed through the crowd inside & reached the place he was seated...but I couldn't muster the courage to greet him or say anything. Luckily, there was one seat vacant adjacent to him, I managed to get in there & watched him from the corners of eyes waiting for his initiation but he didn't took notice of me, I wasn't sure whether he has not seen me or deliberately ignored me. turmoil was unfurling inside me...if today we missed the opportunity to interact, then I wasn't sure whether we will meet again or not...Opportunities comes to avail not to miss.

Metro stopped at Rajiv chowk but I didn't wish to get down, I desired to go further & would get down where Ishmeet would...I was wandering in this thought & found the seat of Ishmeet vacant. He had got down at Rajiv chowk...frantically I ran & got down from the rear door to my destined station.

The day was hot, temperature nearing 40 degrees at 10 am  perspiring profusely...I was lucky to have got down timely else the day would have been more hectic for me....the anxiousness for this stranger had put me into fix. I seated myself within the station premises to take rest because I wasn't feeling well...but my eyes were still searching the man who had stolen my solace...but couldn't locate him. I drank few sips of water from my water bottle & stood to start my way...I found him standing intercepting my way....I badly wished to confront him but the way he intercepted my heart stood still & I was shaken assuming something negative & I wish to cry out….but when our glances met, I was comforted…

“Hey, Nice to see you again “said Ishmeet coolly

“Hi, me too, Ishi here” I replied

“Cool, I didn’t ask your name, did I? “He said in an amusing manner
Today, it was my chance to be mute, I sealed my mouth.

“Are you well or something is bothering you!” Ishmeet inquired.

“I’m fine, just the soaring temperature is taking toll!” I said

Suddenly I took the note of time; it was ten-thirty, quite late for office. I started for my office, amazingly Ishmeet followed me.

“So Ishmeet, is your office in this area?"

“No. I am just coming along with you to see you off till your office as you look a little pale” he said.

I was taken aback by his concern that too for me who was so rude in first meeting. I kept quiet and passed a smile. As I was about to enter the office premises,

“Hey, Ishi, note down my no.9186443320…..see you”   Ishmeet left.

I made a note of his number so the spark was ignited both sides…I felt at ease all my discomforts vanished in the air & I was feeling light.

                                                                  Source: Tumbler

To be continued....
© Ila Varma 2015

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

दो कदम तुम भी चलो....Day I

दो कदम तुम भी चलो
दो कदम हम भी चलें ।।......

Finally,  Ishi boarded the train for Chandigarh for her hometown...Every time she started for her home, she would be overjoyed, but this time it was missing....the break up had filled her with remorse & she didn't wish to leave the place longing for her love to return..though the chances seemed quite bleak but people live on hope...Even when things go wrong, hope is the only positive thing in life which keeps us alive. She was in trance; the memories of Ishmeet following her.

"Hi, I'm Ishmeet from Delhi !"

"Hello, I too from Delhi!" I did not disclose my name deliberately...he was stranger for me but there was something about his demeanor which didn't let my eyes off.

"Hey, Your good name?" he inquired

"What's in a name, a rose is a rose .." I reciprocated with a smile

"Hmmm "  said Ishmeet with a broad grin.

He didn't dare to ask anything., he was offended, his reaction was natural..This was our first meeting while travelling in Delhi Metro. I got down at Rajiv Chowk & headed for my office.This first meeting was the impressive one, there was some spark in the meeting..early to conclude...what it was...but there was something and Ishmeet had caught my attention..he was there with me ...there was something in him & I wanted to meet him again...but where will we meet...only glances were exchanged & my outright decline might have hurt him somewhere..I felt now

© By Ila Varma 2015

To be continued....

                                                                                Pic : Google

Thursday, May 14, 2015

My First Expert My Granny

I feel as if the whole episode is of yesterday etched in my memory, intact & fresh...the reminisce of my granny, whom I addressed "IYA". When I gained senses, I recognized her only, she had not borne me .but she was my everything & I couldn't live without her for a second...she was my Mother,Guardian, Granny, friend, & all the best relations that I could enjoy...I didn't even recognize my Mom who had borne me...I slept in Iya's lap & woke up in her arm...would love her cuddling in her soft arms..which were actually wrinkles but I loved to feel and touch her soft hands & would wrap myself around her neck. She too was much fond of me & pampered me a lot & fulfilled all my wishes, What else could I ask for, I got everything that I demanded.

I saw this world with her eyes & her bed time stories were wonderful which led me into fantasy world and thereafter in peaceful slumber. I learnt to walk by holding her slender fingers which clutched me tight when I missed my steps & took care that I don't fall & get hurt.

She was my guide, my mentor and helped me to decipher the worldly things, taught me the traditions & culture of our family and raised me inculcating good habits & manners & shaped me such that I could adjust in all circumstances though at times I was reluctant to accept the things but she knew the way of tackling & tackled me such that I agreed with her.

I saw myself in her, in a way my features more or less resembles with her though her features were more sharp.We both confided in each other a lot & shared our secret, laughed on silly jokes and could never imagine life without her.

Years rolled by and she left for the heavenly abode after my marriage. I cried my heart out but still I had to accept the fact of life.We meet to part one day and how hard we try we can't stop from losing. I lost her physically but the memories of the time spent together are fresh which I cherish till today. These are the valuable treasures of my life.

© By Ila Varma 2015

                                                                         Pic courtesy - Google

Monday, May 11, 2015


Death is inevitable but still all fear in spite of knowing the fact that those who are born are going to perish one day, but we don't accept easily. Life is fraught with challenges best or worse and it tests us to the core,still we love life. The chain of woven relations make us weak to face the fact of life and we try to escape from death.

It will be wonderful, as I believe, if I get a chance to plan my death & my plan works as per my  choice then certainly I will welcome death with open arms & hug happily ever after.
I was married off at an early age & so my life sped fast forward than my other friends. I am in mid forties but most of my responsibilities are over as a Wife, Woman, Lady of the house and as a Mother. By God's grace, I have secured a roof over my head of course with the kind support of my husband who stood by me in shouldering my responsibilities. My both children are settled in life on professional front and my burning desire is that as soon as I am relieved of the responsibilities, the basic one is left to get the two married than I happily choose death. It is not that I have no desire to live or I want to escape from life but wish to go for peaceful slumber with no hassles.

I wish to go for peaceful slumber after my parents life, it is very difficult for the parents to lose part of themselves in front of their eyes & my inner wish to welcome my daughter-in-laws & see both of them settled. Wishes are unending but in my life the priorities are only two & would consider myself lucky if I get the opportunity to choose after I complete these two. My desires are limited so I believe God will be gracious to bless me with his love & will send his messenger to  welcome me in his kingdom to lead a Life after Death in peace.

© Ila Varma 2015

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     Image Source: Google

PS : Written for Indispire If you could plan your death, how would you plan it?#PlanUrDeath

Saturday, May 9, 2015


She was quite fit & active, full of life & nobody could ever dream that one day she will leave this world inflicted with the deadly disease Cancer. The day one is declared to be inflicted with this “C “one loses half of one’s life & even the near & dear lose hope…It happened all of a sudden -. She was not feeling well & visited a neighborhood doctor doubting gastro troubles. The doctor suggested few tests & ultrasound of the whole abdomen. The tests revealed water retention in abdomen & the biopsy of the same confirmed malignancy. She was rushed to Vellore for further investigations & we all family members prayed for her welfare. Series of investigations confirmed that she was suffering from malignancy of uterus & doctors advised for an operation to get rid out of it & thereafter chemotherapy. The doctors made her aware of the after effects of chemo & operation was successful. She had to undergo series of chemo to control the infections & she responded to the treatment, which gave her a ray of hope & we all were positive believing the doomsday is over & our prayers have been heard.
She was in her early forties with two kids who were in their primary stage of life & they needed the utmost care of their Mom, but God had some other plan for her. The recovery was short-lived and it relapsed again & flared up posing health hazards problems. Weakness gripped her & painful chemotherapy sessions seemed difficult for her.

She deliberately tried to space out from the kids because she knew that she won’t live long & at times she tried to be rude to them so that they don’t go near her & may be she thought they wouldn't miss when she won’t be around. She was my elder sis-in-law & been a Mother I could well understand her feelings, but with this ailment, She was still bold. Her old parents were staying with her to take care of all. It was not so easy for them too…but they were helpless…all could just hope for a miracle.
In six months’ time, she had to undergo numerous chemos, the after effects were horrible. She had lost her appetite & elixir to live. She wished to get rid of it and on 21st Dec.2002, she requested her better half to stop the chemo sessions as she was not in a position to withstand & relieve her from the unbearable pain once for all.
We all family members had reached as her condition was deteriorating. She was admitted in hospital & she had shrinked to a mass of flesh…I couldn't hold my eyes on her…once a beauty with terrific personality & this deadly disease had snatched away her beauty, she was writhing in pain an unbearable sight. At late night, her condition worsens & the doctors attending declared that she had reached a point of no return. All had gathered around her, the concern was more of her old parents….what would be their reaction …how will they accept this trauma…at late night, she breathed her last….on unfortunate date 22nd Dec.2002. She couldn't hold any longer…she was relieved of the untiring misery which had taken each bit of her energy in a span of one & half year. The old parents were dumb & they withstood the tragedy…when God gives pain, he gives tolerance too to endure. The kids were dumb & the most heart rending scene was when she was carried away in sheet…the kids couldn't bear the site and couldn't hold them any further & they broke down. I too was dumb…no words…no expressions…. & couldn't believe it but it was a fact. She left for heavenly abode…she was freed from the sufferings but she left the kids & her hubby when she was needed the most. Sometimes God ways are questionable, may be that was the destiny…& she was destined to leave. Time doesn't waits for anyone, now the kids are grown up individuals & her hubby is holding top most rank in bank but still her place is void in their house…all the comforts are there but she is not there to enjoy…still she is missed !!

PS: In memory of my sis-in-law
© Ila Varma 2015

Thursday, May 7, 2015


She instilled lot of faith in him. 

Without thinking over, "Did he deserve so much faith as much she entrusted, " 

Her Day started with his Thoughts & Night Passed in his Dream.

The Thoughts of "With Him Enveloped her with Immense Joy " & kept her hearty & 

hale...A cute smile pursing on her lips.

They met frequently & she loved his company bcoz she had developed a soft corner for 

him & the lest she desired that he may be there in her reach. 

One fine day he left her with a well dressed lie very far away from her. She was 

shattered but couldn't express ....There was no one whom she could confide....She was 

very lonely & only one question haunted her,

"Did he deserve so much faith as much she entrusted,??????????"

                                                                                                                      Source: Favim
© By Ila Varma